Megan Byrd

Writer

community

Trusting God to Provide Community

My relationship with God has suffered during the last two years. My family moved, leaving behind a church we loved. We lost thirteen years of friendships, shared experiences, and our sense of belonging. Finding a church was a top priority, and we visited a new church every week in search of one that might feel welcoming to our family.

We searched for a church that reminded us of our old one and chose one whose demographics mirrored our family’s. We took steps to get connected, attending the newcomer class and joining a small group. And then everything shut down.

Church moved to online videos. Our game-playing small group was no more. Our opportunities to make connections vanished. My connections became my spouse, who went in to his office to focus, and my two kids, who spent some time on school work in the living room and more on being annoyed by each other. My quiet house, where I could focus on writing and other tasks, became nonexistent. The introvert in me struggled.

I found some solace and quiet in a meditation app, which was often interrupted by a child in search of me. The virtual Sunday mornings didn’t quite feel right. I missed singing along with others in the same room. I longed to smile at other in-person faces.

I led a virtual small group, hoping it would foster connection, but the medium was lacking. Eventually, church started meeting in person again, but I didn’t feel comfortable trusting my health and safety to a bunch of relative strangers. Our family continued attending online church for a while longer.

After getting vaccinated, we tried again, but there just wasn’t a connection. For all the rhetoric about the church being like home, we didn’t feel seen or wanted. Ultimately, we looked for another church.

Read the rest over at The Glorious Table.

Managing Friendships in Restricted Times (Part 12)

It’s been a full year in Asheville! I was hoping to have made a few more connections by now but was obviously hindered by COVID-19. I have been thankful for the few connections made in our first six months that have helped keep me sane in the last six. I have also appreciated the contact from old friends in our last city which has helped a great deal with feeling connected. If you want to see how far we’ve come, check out my first month’s post.

06-25-20

We stopped by the library to pick up some library books and I saw A4 and said hey. I commented that her hair looked nice and she said that she’d gotten some color and bangs.

07-01-20

I had a Zoom call with a GA friend yesterday. It was really nice to catch up and share what’s going on. She asked if I’d be interested in doing it again next month and I said yes.

I Voxered R1 and then texted to see if she had been receiving my messages. She said she hadn’t been receiving notifications.

07-06-20

I saw K4 when I picked Kaitlyn up from Playground Stage camp. She asked about the girls making their movies and I said the weekend should work so we will see.

07-08-20

K4 texted to let me know she and the kids are signed up for a family camp at the Arboretum if we want to join them.

07-09-20

The kids were not interested in the camp so I told K4 we were passing.

I received a Voxer message from R1 and responded.

I went to the library to pick up a book and talked to A4 for a bit. I let her know I had finally started working on my second book.

Adam went out for drinks with a few coworkers after work.

07-10-20

We saw K4 and E4 at the kids’ musical performance and hashed out the details for the girls getting together and working on the sheepie movie.

07-11-20

I dropped Kaitlyn off at the L’s house so she and C4 could film in the garage with the door open and them both wearing masks. When I picked her up, K4 said she would be fine with the girls filming tomorrow so we talked over dinner and decided Kaitlyn could go over for a bit in the morning.

07-12-20

I took Kaitlyn to the L’s house for another few hours of sheepie filming. I talked to K4 when I dropped Kaitlyn off and E4 when I picked her up.

I texted R1 to see if I could stop by for a bit to chat but it didn’t work out.

07-13-20

R1 texted me about coming over in the morning and sitting out front to chat for a bit.

07-14-20

R1 came over this morning and we sat on my porch and talked for about forty-five minutes from a safe social distance. It was nice to be face-to-face again.

 07-15-20

R1 and I texted back and forth.

07-16-20

I texted R1, K4, and E1.

E1 suggested riding bikes or walking at Biltmore next week.

07-19-20

I texted E1 to try to coordinate hanging out. We’re hoping for Thursday afternoon.

07-20-20

I received and sent Voxer messages with R1. She said she’s almost through reading my novel.

I participated in a Zoom call for my creative writing group. A4 was there along with a new person.

07-22-20

E1 texted me to say that she got a pool time for all of us tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully the weather will cooperate.

07-23-20

E1 and I have been texting about the pool. The weather is currently not cooperating with us. Hopefully it will improve.

We met and drove to the pool but it was thundering so we piled back in our cars and drove to a nearby park where the kids played while we talked. We will try for a pool day again in a couple of weeks.

R1 sent me a Voxer and I sent one back. Hopefully, we can get together in a week or two.

*****

I feel stuck in my ability to form new connections at the moment. I am doing my best to content myself with deepening the ones I do have. It’s a challenge to find ways to get together, especially as school is drawing nearer and will limit our time and ability to schedule with others. Perhaps being virtual for at least the first six weeks will be a blessing that does actually give us more opportunities. Only time will tell. How have you engaged with your friends during the pandemic? What has been the most meaningful interaction or experience for you in the past six months?

Online Church (Part 12)

We’ve been in Asheville for a year now. Our initial church search felt a little frustrating as we were trying to find something with the same feel as our last church and struggled living in a smaller area with fewer options. We eventually found a young church that reminded us of our church in the early years and decided to give it a shot. We committed to getting involved in January and joined a Life Group (two for me) which were canceled in March due to the coronavirus. Since then, all church-related activities have been online or via electronic devices. Read on to hear about this past month. Click here if you’d like to be reminded of our first month’s experience and see what’s changed.

06-28-20

We watched church online at ten. The kids watched their video at the same time in the basement.

07-02-20

I texted C6 to check in and see how she’s doing.

07-06-20

We were at the river this weekend and didn’t watch church online. We took a walk in search of beauty and wildlife instead.

07-08-20

C6 sent me an email about her graduate school program she’s starting this fall.

07-12-20

I watched the church message online.

07-13-20

C7 texted me to see if the kids and I wanted to meet her and her daughter at Patton pool sometime this week. We settled on Friday if the weather cooperates.

07-16-20

I texted T6 to check in.

I texted C7 and confirmed that she’s still planning to go to the pool tomorrow.

07-17-20

We met C7 and her 3yo daughter at the outdoor pool to swim and hang out. The pool closed after about an hour and a half for threat of lightning but it was nice to spend a little time with them. Maybe we can do it again.

07-19-20

I listened to today’s message from church while I walked around the neighborhood. I really miss meeting in person. They are signing up group leaders right now. I emailed the church with a few questions because I am interested in hosting a women’s group online this fall. We’ll see if it works out.

07-20-20

I emailed C6 back about her schooling that starts this fall.

I emailed the church pastor back about his response email and am now waiting to hear from the Life Group leader.

*****

It was quite frustrating to have to quarantine just as we were starting to get to know some other people. I’m glad to have at least swapped phone numbers and have had a face-to-face hang out with several women before we were all locked down. I have felt very detached from the church with the online services and have struggled to stay engaged and show up to YouTube on Sunday mornings. I’m hoping that there will be interest in the Zoom book study group I want to lead and I can form more connections that way. I hope we aren’t stuck in this virtual relationship season for too much longer. What has your church experience been like this spring and summer? How have you felt about the lack of in-person connection for worship on Sunday mornings?

Socially-Distanced Friendships (Part 10)

Now that we’ve been in stay-at-home mode for awhile and have gotten used to the parameters, it has helped us to feel a little more comfortable about connecting with people in safe ways. I definitely miss being able to host people at our house, but am believing that time will come around again. In the meantime, we’ll do what we can.

04-25-20

We cleaned Kaitlyn’s room today and found the missing piece from A6’s walkie talkie that was lost the last time they came over for dinner. I texted a photo to K4.

04-26-20

R1 and I Voxered back and forth today.

04-28-20

My oldest friend called this morning and we caught up for awhile.

05-01-20

I Voxered a bunch with R1 today.

C2, a PTO member from the kids’ school sent me a few memes via Messenger saying that she’s been enjoying my Meme Mondays. I said thanks and asked her how her family was doing during quarantine.

05-04-20

R1 and I texted back and forth about her blog logo and how our days have been.

05-06-20

I took some cookies to R1 along with a gift I’d gotten for her. She asked if she could come down to the door from her second floor balcony so we talked out front from a safe distance. It was nice to see her face. It really was nice to see a friend face-to-face. While I’m an introvert, I do still need time with friends.

I also attended a Zumba class led by N2 on Zoom. It started out glitchy but ended up working well. I saw that K4 was also on the call. I texted her later to ask how it went and to see if C4 was going to pick up her costume for the Cinderella musical the girls are doing. She responded that A6 hung on her leg during the class so not as well as she would have liked. She also said she’d signed up for the same time slot as us for costume pick up. I’m sure the girls will be thrilled to see each other even if it is from a safe distance or while wearing masks.

05-08-20

I texted some with E1 today. She mentioned maybe meeting at a park to ride bikes or walk together with the parks reopening tomorrow. We’ll see if it works out. The weather doesn’t look great in the near future.

I also messaged some with R1 today.

05-11-20

E1 emailed me a response to today’s blog post about church. I appreciated her thoughts and the reminder that people do actually read what I write.

05-12-20

I took Kaitlyn to her Playground Stage costume pick up with some song and scene recording. C4’s time was the same so they were able to see each other for a bit. Since Kaitlyn is the stepmother in Cinderella and C4 was one of the daughters, they waited for the other daughter to arrive and then filmed some scenes and songs together in costume. Kaitlyn seemed very hyped about the whole thing. K4 asked what I thought about a socially-distanced outside hang out of our two families and I said we were up for it. We’ll see if we’re able to coordinate something.

05-16-20

We played Drawful and TeeKO with our GA friends this evening. It was a fun time.

05-17-20

V1 dropped off some beer for Adam.

05-19-20

I met up with R1 for socially distant smoothies this morning. We sat in bag chairs six feet apart under the cover of the YMCA’s front stoop because it was raining. It was nice to see her in person and catch up like old times.

I also received texts and FB messages from friends wishing me a happy birthday.

05-21-20

I’ve texted with R1 and some GA friends.

05-22-20

R1 texted to ask where we were today. I responded that we were headed to the river house where calls and texts are sketchy but the views are fantastic.

*****

This month had more face-to-socially-distanced-face encounters than the previous month but we’re all still in the red for social time. It’s helpful to know that this is everyone’s issue rather than some sort of personal fault but the lack of a timeline is sometimes frustrating. What have you done to maintain contact with family and friends? Have you had any in-person gatherings since restrictions have been eased some?

More Virtual Church (Part 10)

We’ve had another month of online church. We stayed consistent in watching it live except for when we were with Adam’s parents and I watched service with his mom. The kids have weekly videos that they seem to enjoy. The church has been mailing activity packets to the kids to help them engage with their Sunday morning content. I appreciate their efforts. However, it’s pretty much impossible to make new or deeper connections with other church members, which was our purpose for trying to get involved in a local church. While I know we just have to do what we can with what is currently available to us, it’s still hard.

04-25-20

C7 texted me to say she received the birthday card.

04-26-20

We watched church on our tv again. I chose to stand during the worship music and sing out loud like I used to. It helped to make the experience feel more normal. They talked about summer life groups, realizing they may be virtual.

04-27-20

C7 texted me to say that she finished the Jen Hatmaker book and that she’s interested in going through it with a group this fall if/when I host/lead a Life Group. Exciting! She invited me to join her for an online book study of Uninvited that starts next month. I’ve read the book several times and participated in a study at my kids’ preschool but it’s been a while. Plus it’s a chance to interact more with C7.

I texted C6 to see how things went on Friday and received a positive report.

I asked T6 if she was still willing to look at my manuscript and she agreed so I sent it to her.

04-30-20

I mailed a note to C6 today just because happy mail is usually appreciated.

05-01-20

C6 and I caught up on Facetime this morning. She informed me that today was our official last meeting but also that she was open to continuing to communicate. I would like to keep in contact.

05-03-20

We watched church service on our couch this morning. They said summer groups would be on Zoom with the possibility of turning into in-person meetings later if it’s safe. I don’t know whether we’ll join one. We’ll see.

05-04-20

T6 texted me to say she’s working on the book and enjoying it thus far.

05-05-20

C7 texted to say stores were slated to reopen this weekend. I said I wasn’t anxious to join the crowds again. I asked her how the book reading was going for the online group we’re both doing.

05-06-20

I took some gluten-free chocolate chip cookies over to C7. She opened the door and we chatted from a safe distance for a little while as her daughter danced around, apparently happy to see a new face. It was also good for me to get to see a friend face-to-face. I’ve definitely missed it.

05-07-10

I received a Mother’s Day card from the church along with a seed packet of flowers. That was thoughtful.

05-10-20

We watched church on the couch again this morning.

05-12-20

C6 texted this morning to say thanks for the note and to check in, which was great because I was planning to text her later in the morning.

When I headed to the grocery store, I saw C7 and her daughter coming out. They stopped and we talked for a few minutes while wearing our masks and standing apart. It was a pleasant surprise to see them.

05-13-20

T6 called this afternoon to give me a progress report on my book. She said she ended up jumping to the middle and was really enjoying the characters and the story, but maybe the beginning was a little slow. She was very kind and complimentary. It felt good to get some non-family feedback.

05-17-20

We watched church from the couch this morning. We learned the church wants people to gather in small groups in people’s homes to watch church together on Sunday mornings starting in June instead of their original Zoom small group plan. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

05-21-20

I went ahead and finished the book I was reading for the online group. I’d texted C7 about it and she said she didn’t really feel comfortable sharing with strangers. So maybe we’ll just text each other about it.

I watched my mother-in-law’s Thursday night church meeting on Zoom with her. It was kind of neat to experience someone else’s virtual church life.

05-24-20

I started my morning with silence, stillness, and my prayer journal. I then took a hike and sang along to worship music while enjoying the view. Later I listened to my mother-in-law’s online church service with her. A different but very enjoyable Sunday morning.

*****

It’s been a little disappointing not to be able to spend much time with people from church these past few months. I’m glad that the church is trying to reconnect everyone again, but I’m apprehensive about being in close quarters with a bunch of essential strangers, not knowing whether they are being cautious and safe in their daily routines. I don’t want to live in fear, but I also don’t want to put others including my children at risk unnecessarily. It feels like a Catch-22.

Virtual Church (Part 9)

COVID-19 has seriously affected our desire to make connections in a local faith community. While it’s nice that technology allows us to experience church online, it’s not even close to the same as meeting in person each week. I am grateful that we had four weeks of life groups to make some initial connections, but it’s hard to grow deeper without the face-to-face interactions. I really hope that we are able to resume life groups by the fall so that we can continue to search for connections in our new church.

03-27-20

C6 and I Facetimed again this morning for our weekly meeting. They seem to be doing well, but she’ll have to go out for groceries soon. Her sister and other friends life in NYC which is concerning.

03-29-20

We had virtual church this morning. We chose to watch our old church’s service. The kids had a video for them to watch for church.

03-30-20

I texted some with C7 today.

04-03-20

I Facetimed with C6 this morning and we prayed and shared how our weeks had gone.

04-05-20

We watched church from our couch again. The kids watched their church video.

04-10-20

I Facetimed with C6 and we caught up on our weeks, ending the call in prayer.

04-11-20

I texted with T5 from life group. It’s her daughter’s birthday today. We sent books via Amazon for her kids in honor of the occasion. I’ve also been keeping up some with C7.

04-17-20

I wished C7 a happy birthday yesterday.

04-19-20

We watched church on the couch again. Our pastor’s backyard looks very inviting. I’m curious who owns the house the worship band records out of.

04-22-20

I mailed C7 a belated birthday card. When I asked for her address, it sounded familiar. I looked through my photos from house-hunting this past summer and realized that we looked at a house right across the street from them. We could have been neighbors! That would have been really awesome for this current strange time we’re in.

04-24-20

I didn’t have my weekly Facetime call with C6 because she had something come up. Hopefully, we will resume next week.

Our church sent out a form for people interested in leading a Life Group over the summer. I guess they are being optimistic and proactive. Our summers often involve travel that it’s hard to commit to anything with a weekly commitment. I would like to lead one in the fall to meet more people. We will see.

Have you been attending church online? Have you checked out other church services besides your regular church? Are you able to focus and worship as well as you did when you met at a building? Are you doing anything on your own to connect with God?

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