Megan Byrd

Writer

The Glorious Table

How to Grow in Compassion

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Cor. 1:3-4 NIV)

It happened again. I’d raised my voice in frustration at not being able to help my overwhelmed child and escalated the situation. I knew it wasn’t helpful. Matching my child in emotional intensity only multiplied problems. I’d started out with a game plan: listen compassionately to my child’s grievance and offer strategies to alleviate the problem. But the issue was that my child wasn’t thinking rationally. They couldn’t think rationally. Their brain was awash in chemicals that only saw failure and difficulty. They couldn’t see that a solution was possible.

It’s easy to know what needs to be done in someone else’s situation because you are outside of the emotions coursing through their body. It’s never difficult to be able to tell what should have been done on the other side of the situation. But when you’re in the middle, you are in lizard-brain territory, and all you want is to be free of these difficult and uncomfortable feelings. So you fight. You fight whoever you encounter with whatever you have. For my child, that was me.

How to Grow in Compassion

I knew it wasn’t personal, yet I still struggled not to take it personally. Feeling attacked, I fought back. And immediately, as soon as the words—spoken too loudly—left my mouth, I felt like a failure. I’d lost control, something I hate doing.

Awash in guilt, I immediately apologized and wrapped my child in a hug. I spoke calm reassurance to them. I gave voice to their frustration and we were able to move forward, both in our relationship and in solving the inciting issue.

This scenario has been repeated more times than I’d like, but I’m learning. I’m learning not to take their frustration personally, but to offer them a listening ear, open arms, and understanding words. When I can just be there with them and allow them to vent their emotions, they are able to move forward more quickly. All they truly need is my presence.

Read the rest over at The Glorious Table.

Know Your Worth

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.” (Titus 3:4-5 NIV)

I exhale audibly  as this verse sinks into my mind, and I’m released momentarily from my perfectionist tendencies. I’m reminded that it’s not my striving, success, or failure that determines my worth. It’s only God, who loves me so much he provided a Savior to shoulder the weight of my sin, enabling me to be reconciled to God and receive eternal life. In the moments when I remember this truth, I’m able to jump off of society’s hamster wheel of productivity and accomplishment that is never satisfied and step into the peace, rest, and acceptance that’s always available if I’ll simply choose it.

A song that speaks deeply and intimately to my restless and sometimes anxiety-ridden heart is “In Christ Alone.” The words remind me that everything I need is found only and always in Christ. My favorite lyrics are, “What heights of love, what depths of peace, when fears are stilled, when strivings cease.” I know that more often than not, I’m either striving toward something positive—love, validation, acceptance, accolade—or away from undesirable things—failure, judgment, rejection, ridicule.

The Bible consistently reminds me that I’m loved and complete in Jesus. My striving is not necessary to count myself worthy of God’s love or to find peace. I already have those things. I can’t lose them, nor can I earn more of them. I have all I’ll ever need in an abundant supply. All I have to do is receive it.

God’s approval is implicit in my status as his child. There’s no way to earn something that’s freely given. My worth is found in God, who has purposed me to share the gospel and use the gifts he’s given me to bless others and show his love and mercy. God has filled me to the full with value, grace, and love. I can stop struggling with anxiety or worry that I won’t measure up or that I don’t have what it takes to succeed. I’m already a success. My heavenly Father is proud of me. There’s nothing to earn; it’s already mine.

Read the rest over at The Glorious Table.

Someone Else’s Words

We’ve all heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We’re probably all well aware that this is a false statement. We’ve been hurt by the power of someone else’s words, carelessly spewed from unkind lips. A more complete and accurate statement about the power of words comes from Charles F. Glassman: “Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you . . . unless you believe them. Then, they can destroy you.” We know that broken bones can heal over time, but heart wounds can last forever.

Hurting Words

We can be insulted and yet not feel scathed by someone else’s words if we don’t believe what was said to or about us. If we’re secure in who we are and know that what others are saying is not true, then it doesn’t have to affect how we see or feel about ourselves. It’s when what has been said is something we’ve considered about ourselves or seems to have a speck of truth in it that it can cause great damage.

When I was in middle school, my family moved to a new state for my father’s job. I was trying to find a place to fit in among all of the students at my new school, most of whom had known each other since kindergarten. I was a late bloomer and a tomboy, so I wasn’t really interested in hair or makeup like many of the other girls. One girl in my grade noticed that I didn’t shave my legs and started calling me “Beast.” I was humiliated. I went home that day and asked my mom to teach me how to shave my legs. I doubt the girl who hurled the hurtful name at me even remembers that incident today. I, however, have never forgotten her or how she made me feel with one pointedly cruel word.

Healing Words

Words can also bring about great healing. We’ve all probably been on the receiving end of positive, encouraging, and healing words at some point in our lives. I’m often greatly encouraged by someone else’s words.

My love language is words of affirmation, so I’m very sensitive to the things said to and about me. I feel most loved when someone speaks words of life and encouragement over me. I feel affirmed and seen when my husband tells me that I’m a wonderful mother and wife. Specific compliments help me believe that what he’s saying is what he truly believes.

An acquaintance recently told me that, while I don’t speak often in group settings, when I do speak, she knows it’s going to be something worth listening to because my words are well-thought-out and contain wisdom. Her compliment was was uplifting and also a good reminder to me to consider my words because of the power they contain.

Read the rest of this article over at The Glorious Table.

Worship and Gratitude

I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. (Psalm 69:30 NIV)

Throughout Scripture we see David praising and worshipping God in a variety of ways—playing the harp, dancing to music, and writing psalms. The psalms are authentic and unfiltered expressions of emotion directed at God. David expressed joy, sorrow, frustration, delight, and comfort through them. He felt free to be completely honest with God because of their shared history. He’d seen God protect and provide for him. He’d also suffered great trials and sorrow, but he continued to trust in God’s love and sovereignty. He knew God was his ever-present help in trouble and wanted nothing more than to give God the praise and thanks he deserved. Not only did this honor God, but it reminded David of who was in control.

There are times in my life when I lose sight of the truth that God is in control and perfectly capable of handling everything without my assistance. I decide to shoulder the responsibility of caring for my family and friends. I try to do everything and be everything. I struggle under a weight I wasn’t meant to carry. Often, picking up responsibilities that don’t belong to me results in me slacking on other important tasks such as prayer, worship, and reading Scripture, which are wholly mine. I use the well-worn excuse that I have too much to do and can’t fit them in. Trying to do God’s job ultimately leaves me feeling grumpy, critical, and worn out.

God faithfully reminds me that I’m taking on too much. He encourages me to return to the practices that reestablish me in my true role of beloved daughter, completely loved and accepted apart from performance or accomplishment. It’s a recurring struggle, but I’ve found two activities that are particularly helpful for me. They give God thanks and praise while also preventing me from usurping his role.

Read the rest over at The Glorious Table.

Imitating God’s Love

Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave himself up for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. (Ephesians 5:1-2 CSB)

My dad has always had a workshop wherever we’ve lived. He spends a lot of time there building cabinets and other wood pieces. Sometimes he’ll find broken pieces of furniture and mend them, making them like new again. As a kid, I spent many hours with him in his workshop, watching him work and pretending to work myself, hammering nails into boards or sawing them in half. I enjoyed being with my dad and watching what he did.

Occasionally, he would invite me into his project to help in the little ways I could—tightening a vise grip, sanding down wood edges, and handing him tools. Once he helped me make my own cabinet to store my collectibles, which became my nightstand. I was interested to learn what he knew and enjoyed spending time getting to know him in one of his favorite places.

I’m sure there were times when I got in his way or slowed down his progress, but I never felt like a hindrance or nuisance. I was always welcome. I had an open invitation into his workshop, and he’d take time to interact with me when I came. My act of joining him in his favorite place was an expression of my love for my dad, and he knew it. His reception of me was likewise an expression of his love for me, and I knew it.

One of the most essential components of our relationship with God is believing that we are his dearly loved children. If we don’t feel seen, loved, and accepted, we lose our desire to reflect God’s love and goodness to others. It’s critical that we know God loves us, delights in us, accepts us, and calls us worthy. Thankfully, we can search the Bible and find all of the wonderful things he calls us and believes us to be.

Once we know how much God loves us, it follows that we would be interested in spending more time with him. We love being around people who think highly of us and encourage us. When we spend time with God, we’ll learn about him and discover his passions, his dislikes, and the way he treats others. Obviously, the person of Christ shows us a great deal about how God loves and what he finds important. He loves people. All of them. No one is beneath him. Every individual, regardless of social status, is worthy of his attention and care. Studying the life of Jesus in the Bible can teach us a lot about God’s heart and how to love like him.

Read the rest at The Glorious Table.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5, NIV)

This seems like a simple enough verse. If there’s something you want to know, ask God for insight, clarity, or an answer. But how many of us forget to seek God when we have an issue?

I was raised to be an independent person. I was taught how to do laundry, clean the house, cook, drive a manual transmission, change a tire, and change the oil in my car. My parents wanted to make sure I was self-sufficient when I left their house after high school.

The problem is that independent thinking has carried over into my relationship with God and other people. I struggle to ask anyone for help, even when I’m obviously in over my head. I’m often tempted to drown rather than ask for assistance from someone else.

It’s even been a point of friction in my marriage relationship. I believe I shouldn’t need or ask for help so deeply that my husband is sometimes offended when I strive to do something on my own that would be more easily accomplished if I asked for his assistance.

Why do I struggle to ask for help? Part of the reason is the cultural messages I’ve internalized that say asking for help means you’re weak and that being too needy or helpless is a turnoff. My generation of women has been raised to believe that we can do it all, and not only that—we should do it all, and not need help from anyone.

Read the rest over at The Glorious Table.

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