Megan Byrd

Writer

change

Embracing God’s Plans

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” (Prov. 16:9, NIV)

Making plans for the future is good. Deciding on a specific direction for our career and personal lives is healthy. We should keep in mind, however, that God is ultimately in control, which means that our plans may not come to pass. This isn’t discouraging because we know that God is loving, faithful, and gracious. We can trust that he has good plans for us.

I’m confident that God will work out what’s best for me. I avoid potential heartache by seeking God’s wisdom regarding my plans. If I ask, he can align my heart with what’s best. I submit all of my plans to God in prayer, knowing he loves me and knows what is for my good and his glory.

I know that God does not callously thwart my plans. I trust that there are reasons the things I hope for don’t happen. I don’t often know why he says no, but I choose to believe it’s because he has something better in mind. I may never know why things don’t work out the way I think is best, but I can look at the results of God’s path and search for the blessings it brought.

I lived in Georgia for thirteen years. When we moved to Atlanta for my husband’s job, we assumed we’d be there for a few years before moving somewhere else as promotions transported him to various cities around the country. 

Read the rest of the devotional at The Glorious Table.

Confronting My Privilege

I have been smacked in the face recently with the privilege I experience. A big part is due to what I have been reading this year, most notably Margaret Hagerman’s book based on her study of privileged middle schoolers called “White Kids: Growing Up With Privilege in a Racially Divided America” and Roxane Gay’s books “Bad Feminist” and “Hunger“. Roxane is very familiar with the lack of privilege and has chosen to fight for equality and justice using her abilities and avenues. I appreciate the frankness and vulnerability with which she speaks about her experiences. I get a glimpse of her life and have the opportunity to see through her eyes when I read her words. She has dealt with so many things I haven’t just because of things none of us can change – our gender, our parents, our skin, our sexual orientation. Our only obvious similarities are that we are women who love to read and write.

Through her books, it became glaringly apparent that my privilege has allowed me to opt out of conversations about social and political issues because they don’t directly affect me. I am appalled that I have been purposefully ignorant while injustice and inequality have swirled around me. Just because I am not directly affected doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be aware or work to change things that hurt or oppress other people.

I have allowed myself to live in a bubble. I have felt safe and thus not wanted to rock the boat. In the meantime, so many others have lived in fear, insecurity, persecution, and oppression. Now that I am aware of my ignorance and avoidance, I can’t go back. Now that I know better, I have to do better.

It seems to me that there are three steps in this awakening. The first is Awareness. An acknowledgment that things are not okay. That there is injustice and I need to be a part of change.

The second step is Education. Once I realize that I cannot sit idly by in our current climate, I have to understand what the issues are, what is currently being done, and how I can help. Continued ignorance is not acceptable. It may be figuring out whether I am unintentionally part of the problem or if there’s something I am doing that is harmful. I need to learn more about what is going on before I can become usefully involved.

The third step is Action. Once I am aware of the problem and have learned more about it, I can then do something. Obviously, I don’t yet know what that is, but that should be the goal of the education element – becoming equipped enough to move.

I realize that I must also be careful not to scapegoat into staying firmly planted in the education step. I know myself well enough to know that my perfectionism might keep me from action by continuing to persuade myself that I am not knowledgeable enough and will take imperfect action if I move forward without having perused all of the available information. I need to know enough to act, but I don’t have to become an expert. If I believe that I must know everything, I will never make it to action.

Another tricky thing is not becoming paralyzed by all of the different forms of injustice in the world so much so that it becomes impossible to take action in even one area. I know I cannot fix every problem. I don’t have enough time, energy, or resources to fight for all of them either. I need to be wise in looking at the problems and determining where I can have the most influence and/or which one is most pressing on my heart.

Are there any social issues that you are passionate about and working to initiate change? Do you have any good resources to help educate me?

The Spiral of Change

Two years ago I struggled with feeling disconnected from community. I felt burned out from an extended period of reaching out to others and attempting to establish deeper connections and relationships, specifically within my church. I pulled back from many of my existing relationships in an attempt at self-preservation. I believed I was cutting current ties in order to move toward potential new engagements.

Looking back, I see that my actions actually strengthened the lies I believed, lies that said I was unimportant and unwanted. I hoped that others would notice the space I created by pulling back and reach out, a passive-aggressive tactic. A few people did notice, but by that time, I had closed myself off from help. I viewed these attempts to connect with me as anomalies rather than invitations. Self-pity and a critical spirit reigned. Thankfully, God helped me climb out of my pit through prayer and the support of some non-church friends. I felt thankful to be on the other side of all of that hurt and disappointment.

Fast forward eighteen months, and imagine my shock and frustration to realize that I felt the same depletion and disconnection! Hadn’t I already dealt with these feelings? Why was I back in the same place of loneliness and doubt?

Join me over at The Glorious Table to read the rest of this post!

How Do You Handle Changes in Relationships?

I am a loyal person. When I become good friends with someone, I am essentially forever in their corner. I think the world of them and will defend them. I want to consistently spend time with them and keep up with their life. I pray for them and try to help out when possible.

When a relationship changes or ends, as is bound to happen multiple times throughout a person’s life, it is hard for me. I often try to maintain the previous level of commitment and intimacy for a period of time until I get worn down or realize it’s futile. I feel sad and wonder whether the break down was due to something I did. I often hold on to the belief that things can stay the same for far too long.

Atlanta is a transitional area for many people. People move in, out, and around quite frequently. I have lived here for eleven years and have gained and lost a good number of friends in that time span. Some left the area, making it hard to keep up regularly as there is no longer any overlap in our lives. Other relationships changed when we entered new life stages such as having children or starting new jobs.

I wrestle with these changes, sometimes handling them better than others. To help me through these transitions and become healthier in dealing with everything, I have read several books on friendship and relationships. I process, learn, and heal often through words I read. It’s one way God is able to pierce my heart and speak truth to me in the midst of turmoil and struggle.

I want to share some things that have encouraged and helped me as I have worked to grow in my relationship skills and my ability to not hold so tight to friendships. The book that helped me the most was Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness by Shasta Nelson. I heard about her work and her book listening to a Jen Hatmaker podcast. It was a very informative and encouraging interview. Below are some quotes from the book that spoke me. If they ring true to you and are something you needed to hear, consider reading the book as well.

It’s no one’s fault that as our lives change our friendships must shift as well.

Research suggests that most of us replace half our closest friends every seven years; at that rate, basically anyone experiencing life change will experience some friendship losses and transitions, many times over.

If we are willing to admit feeling hungry for greater connection, then we’re better able to choose the actions that will lead to more meaningful friendships. So, ultimately and ideally, our gaps invite our growth.

When we’re under stress – which disappointment and frustration certainly fall under – our human temptation is to fight or to flee, to go big or to go home. Intimacy requires a third path: lean in.

It’s your job to ask for what you need. And honestly, to have the chance to share about your life doesn’t require them to ask about it – it only requires that they receive it when you decide to share.

Our goal is time together; it doesn’t really matter who initiates to get us there. If we’re the ones who see the need, it might as well be us.

Anytime there is a fight, an unmet need, a slow-boiling frustration, or a repeated judgment in one of our friendships, we have the sacred opportunity to try to repair it, develop it, enhance it, and grow it – before we end it. To walk away from gaps without trying to close them just leaves a bunch of gaping holes in what could have been full, nurtured hearts.

Trust that no connection is a waste of time. Letting go of the need to categorize every person as either all or nothing reminds us that each encounter can be life-changing, each conversation potentially meaningful, each person some kind of teacher, and each relationship a gift – even if the person doesn’t end up in our inner circle.

 

Which of the above quotes did you relate to most? Do you handle relationship changes well?

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