Two years ago I struggled with feeling disconnected from community. I felt burned out from an extended period of reaching out to others and attempting to establish deeper connections and relationships, specifically within my church. I pulled back from many of my existing relationships in an attempt at self-preservation. I believed I was cutting current ties in order to move toward potential new engagements.
Looking back, I see that my actions actually strengthened the lies I believed, lies that said I was unimportant and unwanted. I hoped that others would notice the space I created by pulling back and reach out, a passive-aggressive tactic. A few people did notice, but by that time, I had closed myself off from help. I viewed these attempts to connect with me as anomalies rather than invitations. Self-pity and a critical spirit reigned. Thankfully, God helped me climb out of my pit through prayer and the support of some non-church friends. I felt thankful to be on the other side of all of that hurt and disappointment.
Fast forward eighteen months, and imagine my shock and frustration to realize that I felt the same depletion and disconnection! Hadn’t I already dealt with these feelings? Why was I back in the same place of loneliness and doubt?
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