Megan Byrd

Writer

fear

Stepping Into My Calling

I am often nervous about how what I write will be received. I am even more anxious when I submit something I write to an outside website or publication because I want it to be received well. I tend to doubt my ability to create something that others will deem valuable or worthy of publication.

I have recently become a contributor to a website which is both exciting and scary. Whenever I have an article deadline coming up it always makes me nervous that whatever I submit will be rejected or not up to par with the other articles on the site. My first articles were accepted, why won’t this one? I am a little intimidated by the editors of the site because they are professionals in the writing industry and I am a relative novice. However, one of the reasons I applied for the position was to receive helpful writing feedback from the editors. All this opportunity can do is make me better if I can fight through the fear and submit to the process.

I know it’s the enemy trying to paralyze me in fear. He wants me to think I’m not good enough and can’t do it so that I will quit and not share words of life and hope with others. The truth is that I applied for the position of contributor and was accepted which means that they liked my style and content. I can write well. I have worthwhile things to say.

Writing is a gift and a ministry opportunity. All of the doubt and fear means that there is great promise in my ability. The enemy attacks us where we can threaten or hurt him the most. He wants to keep me from writing so that I will not positively impact others for the kingdom. He is afraid of what might happen if I am left to write unfettered and unobstructed. Chains might be broken and people healed. It is for freedom Christ set us free. My purpose is to be free and show others the way to freedom. Writing God’s truth through my experiences is one way to do that. If I don’t share my story, others won’t be able to see God’s love and grace and goodness in my life and have hope to receive the same in theirs.

I have been letting the enemy win by dragging my feet with writing. I have been distracting myself and allowing outside distractions to sidetrack me from writing. I need to see writing as God’s assignment to reveal God’s love and grace to those around me. I need to take that assignment seriously. Not to the detriment of neglecting other responsibilities, but using my weekdays responsibly. I have an obligation to steward my gift well.

I have realized that I’m still not quite able to really invest in myself as a writer. I did use unexpected money to publish a book six years ago but I have not continued to invest in the project. I have done a few random other investments – books on writing, the She Speaks conference last year, my website – but nothing consistent because I, apparently, do not feel like it will yield a significant return. I don’t have a desire to abandon this calling to write, but I am not all in yet either.

I still feel silly calling myself a writer and pursuing this path. I feel like I am indulging myself and it could never be a real career path, even though other people have done it and are doing it. For some reason, I don’t feel qualified. I doubt whether I could really be a real writer. But what does a real writer look like? I am already a writer and an author. I write articles every week on my website. I have articles published on outside websites. I published a book. What more do I need to do to believe I am a writer?

Why am I so ashamed to say my ambition out loud? Am I afraid of failure? Am I afraid declaring my dream will lead to its doom? Do I fear others laughing at or ridiculing me? Perhaps all of those things are true. But they are all being spoken by fear. They are possibilities, not realities. Anything can happen with my writing. Nothing will happen if I don’t write. That’s the only certainty. I need to opt for the possibility of success. I need to define what success would look like for me and not worry about the world’s definition. What do I think a successful writing career would look like for me? Only in answering that question, will I know what the next step should be.

Do you struggle with stepping into something God has been calling you to? What keeps you from moving forward?

Trusting God Over My Fear

I love to learn. I almost always have at least one non-fiction book I’m working my way through. Recently there have been some topics that I have wanted to explore more so I found some books for new perspectives. NetGalley has been very helpful in providing free books on relevant topics. I am growing in knowledge but have struggled to figure out what to do with this information. Am I simply supposed to use it to inform my own thoughts and beliefs? Is it supposed to prompt a new action? Do I share what I’ve learned with others? Do all of these things need to be done?

I have felt overwhelmed by these thoughts and so no real action has been taken yet. I was at my discipleship group recently and I realized that I haven’t talked to God about what I should do with my new knowledge. I know I should. Something someone else said during discussion prompted the following thought: Am I not praying because I am afraid of what God’s answer might be?

I know that God loves me and will always be with me. I know that he has a purpose for me and plans for my life. I know he has my best in mind and can bring something good out of all circumstances. I know these things, but do I really believe them? If I believe them, then I would be willing to do whatever God asks of me.

Right now I am afraid that God might ask me to do something that leads to conflict, judgment and/or rejection by other people. Are these things guaranteed to happen? No. Is it a possibility? Yes. Whenever you are vulnerable and share a true part of yourself, you open yourself up to potential ridicule or rejection. But you also open yourself up to acceptance and love. Being loved for who you truly are is the greatest thing.

Ultimately it comes down to two things. 1) Do I trust God? Do I believe his purposes are better than anything else? 2) Am I more interested in man’s approval or God’s? I can’t always have both so which is more important to me?

While I want to be obedient, I am still afraid. So I will take the first step which is to pray for God’s direction. While waiting, I will also pray for courage and peace to be able to take the next step when it becomes clear.

 

Is there something you believe God is asking of you that you are afraid to do? Will you choose to trust God’s plans and pray for courage to be obedient?

The Lies Behind Your Fears

I have loved music for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I used to tape record myself singing. I loved our school music performances in elementary school and would play and sing along for hours with the tape our teacher sent home. I often hoped to be given a solo in the Christmas and spring performances. I vividly recall wanting one particular solo and thinking after the performance that I would have done a better job than the kid who received the part. I obviously did not have any confidence issues.

At some point, all of that changed. I came to believe that I had a bad singing voice. I don’t recall anyone telling me I didn’t sing well. I do have memories in middle and high school of answering the phone and people thinking they were speaking with a man. (That still happens.) Once the caller went through the names of the other three members of my household before saying, “Who is this?” My grandfather once said that he liked my voice because it wasn’t high pitched or shrill. I think my complex about my singing voice stemmed from having a manly-sounding voice. In my head, having a lower-pitched voice got twisted to mean that I had a bad voice, one that would not sound good because it was too low for a woman.

Whatever happened, I became terrified to sing in situations where I might be heard – at a birthday party, at my twelve member Christian campus group, with friends, and at church. I still loved singing when I was alone, but I feared being rejected or ridiculed by others when they heard how bad I sounded. (Why I thought this would happen, I cannot tell you. Fear can come up with all kinds of unlikely scenarios to paralyze you.)

Once in college, I asked a musical friend of mine to tell me truthfully how my singing sounded. After I sung along with a CD for a bit he said it sounded fine. While encouraging, that opinion was not enough to change my thoughts.

When I became a mother, I learned that singing to my children helped soothe them when they were fussy. I wanted to sing them the songs I had heard and loved as a child in the hopes that they, too, would love them. I was okay with this because I knew they wouldn’t judge me and would love me regardless. It was still challenging to sing in front of my husband but I would occasionally do it. I once decided to sing him “Happy Birthday” solo to demonstrate my love for him. I was terrified, but no one died and we’re still married so I guess it was fine.

I was slowly loosening up, but still extremely self-conscious. I tried to bolster my confidence by reminding myself that the Bible says to “make a joyful noise unto the Lord” in order to feel okay worshipping through singing at church. It says “joyful noise” not “melodious, on-key singing only,” right?

Last fall I went to Propel Activate with some women from my church. During the day-long conference, one of the women in my group said to me something along the lines of, “I know you think you have a bad singing voice, but you don’t.” I was shocked. How did she know this about me? (I asked her recently and she said that I told her at a women’s retreat several years prior.) At the time (and still now), I believed that it was a message from God reminding me that he sees me and knows me. Earlier this year I had a dream that my mom told me I could sing well. It seemed very random, but I found it comforting.

I have been gradually singing more freely at church, birthday parties, and with my family but am still self-conscious about it. I have noticed more professional women singers with deeper voices who sound amazing and that brings encouragement as well. I may not be ready for karaoke – that’s still a nightmarish scenario for me – but I am grateful for the growth in this area.

I think it’s been helpful looking back to try to find the cause of my beliefs in order to root out the lies. Only by recognizing what I am believing about myself and why, can I determine whether I am living in truth. If not, then I can replace the lies with truth. I may not have a Grammy-worthy voice, but it is highly unlikely I will be unfriended or mocked by others for singing. If I like singing, I should do it and let my joy make up for whatever I may lack.

 

What lies have you been believing that have kept you stuck in fear? Do you have any areas of struggle in your life where you have been making progress? 

Allowing Love to Be Stronger than Fear

There are some actions that nearly everyone would define as brave – serving in the military or rescuing another person from a burning house. Other actions may be considered ordinary or easy to many people and would not be easily identified as bravery. For one person, singing on stage can be an exciting thrill. For another, singing out loud, even in a large group, is terrifying. For that person, singing “Happy birthday to you” at a party could be considered an act of bravery.

Bravery is defined as “the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral courage to face danger, fear, or difficulty.” Fear is universal; what causes it is not; therefore bravery does not manifest itself in only one way. Some people fear failure. Others fear ridicule. A number of people fear spiders or snakes. In each of these situations, being brave looks different.

If a person is afraid of failure then trying something new would be brave. Most people don’t succeed the first time they attempt a new task. I do not consider the culinary arts my strong suit but I do enjoy exploring new tastes and eating meals regularly. Consequently, I am usually willing to try new recipes but am shadowed by the fear that the meal will be a disaster. Sometimes that has been the case. Many times it has been a tasty and successful meal. Through practice, I have become willing to risk failure…

Read the rest of this post here.

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I have the privilege of being able to share an article about bravery on my friend Kelly Ivey Johnson‘s blog today as part of her What Being Brave Looks Like series. After you finish my post (click the “Read the rest” link above), click around to read some of the others. Also consider reading Kelly’s wonderful devotional Being Brave: A 40-Day Journey to the Life God Dreams for You. I have already read it twice, I love it so much!

Fighting FOMO

 

I admit to falling victim to the Fear of Missing Out. It is part of the reason I have developed a compulsion for checking social media multiple times each day. I don’t know if FOMO has always been a thing, but it seems to be more pronounced now that the ability to see everything we don’t have and the events we did not get invited to is right at our fingertips. I know I am not the only one who struggles with FOMO.

“How many times have you opened Facebook or Instagram only to catch a glimpse of an event you didn’t know was happening in your town and that you weren’t invited to? Or that a friend was in the area and didn’t ever reach out to you? How many times have we translated those images into the assumption that it was done on purpose? That the failure to connect or invite or include was because we were somehow found lacking? How often have we jumped from a photograph to a full-page story in our own heads that stars us as the excluded victim?” –Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended

The less I am on social media, the more positive I feel about myself and my relationships. I am not constantly comparing myself and my life to what I see on the screen. If I don’t see others hanging out without me then I don’t feel like there’s something wrong with me that I didn’t get invited. I know that it’s perfectly normal that people I know will do fun things without me. I, obviously, don’t invite all of my friends to every gathering or activity of mine. That is normal and healthy. But sometimes my insecurity tries to make it personal and get me to believe that I was not invited because I am lacking in some way.

I am interested to see how I feel about my life and my relationships during this social media fast. This past summer my husband and I went on a trip together and I did not check social media often because we were too busy enjoying our time together and the place we were visiting. Perhaps part of my problem is not being in the moment and enjoying what is in front of me. Maybe I have forgotten how to be bored and find better ways of utilizing my time.

I am hoping that the fast will help me to become wiser in how I use social media. There are some good purposes of social media and I would like to be mindful when I use it and how I use it. I do not want it to be an automatic reflex but a thoughtful action. Perhaps, at the same time, I can become better at dealing with FOMO and the negative emotions it elicits.

Alli Worthington, in her book Fierce Faith, gives a six-step action plan to combat FOMO. First, ask yourself good questions such as whether you’re feeling jealous, whether you really want to be at the thing that’s giving you FOMO, and whether it’s really important right now. Second, name what emotions are causing the FOMO. Third, turn FOMO into JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) – enjoy where you are or who you’re with instead. Fourth, do something you love immediately to give you a pick-me-up (take a walk, read a book, listen to music). Fifth, reframe your thoughts – notice the negative thoughts playing in your head and speaking the truth to them. Finally, stay focused on Jesus to remember you are loved, accepted, and blessed.

Do you struggle with FOMO? How do you deal with the emotions it elicits?

The Word of the Year

  The beginning of a new year is often a flurry of activity for many people: resolutions and goals, reflecting on the past year, planning out the year ahead. In the past several years I have become aware of a large segment of people having a word of the year – a word that tells what they hope the year will bring, perhaps something to remind them of their focus and goals. It seems to have brought meaning to a lot of people.

  This year I thought it would be neat to have a word and see how it applies to my life throughout the year. Last year I felt God was asking me to TRUST and REST and so I was learning to live in those two words, though it wasn’t something I set about working on.

  I don’t really know how most people choose a word. I pondered something that would encompass an area I desired to grow in. At first I thought BELOVED would be good so that I could learn to be secure in the identity I have in Christ. I was praying about it in the early hours of the new year as I was trying to fall asleep. The word TRUTH stood out in my mind. It doesn’t seem like a typical word – there’s no real action to be taken (like COURAGE or BRAVE or UNSTOPPABLE). It seems kind of “eh”. So I prayed God, is this what you’d like me to focus on this year? Is this my focus for the year – truth? And I think it is.

  I am quickly warming up to the word TRUTH. I am looking forward to studying the word, mainly in scripture. I know that God’s word is truth. Jesus says that he is the truth. I am looking forward to really digging into truth. I know our society likes to say that truth is relative, that there is no absolute truth, that each person makes their own truth. I don’t really agree with that so I am excited to set down some truth for me to anchor myself to and have firm footing.

  In addition to studying TRUTH in scripture, I think I am also supposed to work on speaking TRUTH (in love, of course). I have been a people pleaser for years, the underlying fear being rejection. I have been learning that I have an everlasting love in Christ so I do not need to fear being rejected by people. I will always be loved and accepted and valued in Jesus. So I would like to be more true to myself – honest about my thoughts, likes, dislikes, desires. I don’t want to temper enthusiasm for fear of the buzz kills out there. I want to be able to express joy and disappointment and anticipation and not worry about what others may think or say.

  I am excited for the year ahead and excited to see what is in store. I know many people also choose a Bible verse for their year. I wonder if it’s related to their word. It’s probably a hope or reminder as well. I would like to do this, but I think I will wait for one to emerge from my study of truth in scripture.

Do you have a special word or verse for 2017? I’d love to hear what it is!

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