Megan Byrd

Writer

building community

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?: Part 3

I’m chronicling my family’s journey to find community in our new city. This is our second month’s experience of our attempts to get to know our neighbors. Click the following links to read about the first or second month in our neighborhood. Or check out posts about looking for a church or finding friends.

09-26-19

Last night there was an ambulance on our street. I was concerned about our neighbor but didn’t have any contact information so I texted a couple of people to see if they knew anything today. I was concerned about whether the pet was being cared for so I finally just went over to the house and rang the doorbell. If no one answered, I was going to see if the door was unlocked to check on the animal. My neighbor came to the door, much to my relief. I tried not to pry but shared that I was glad to see they were home. I asked for their contact info and texted them mine in case they need anything.

10-01-19

The kids and I went next door and played basketball on the neighbor’s hoop. When I met her at the cookout she said we were welcome to use it whenever. Since the kids are signed up to play basketball this winter we are starting to practice a little.

10-02-19

This evening Adam and I walked a couple of laps around the loop. We saw K2 on our second one and chatted a bit. Her dog is very cute.

My neighbor texted me to thank me for checking in after the health incident. I offered to come over and hang out if they wanted company but they were going to try to go to work. I said I’d pray for their health.

10-03-19

We saw K2 again on our evening walk around the loop. She is still taking steps toward selling her house and moving to a tiny house.

10-06-19

On my way to run an errand with the kids, we saw S1. She said the kids’ pillows were finished and to stop by when we returned home. We walked down and chatted for a bit. The kids pet the cats. The reading pillows were super cute. It appears that pillows are S1’s thing. She makes them for a lot of people. That’s cool.

10-07-19

S1 had mentioned that B2’s out of town until the end of the week so I asked if she wanted to join us for dinner this evening. She agreed and came over for tacos. It was nice getting to talk to our neighbor. I figure the more we host, the more comfortable I’ll feel doing it. She invited me to go to the library book sale with her on Friday. That’s right up my alley.

10-09-19

I remembered that my mother-in-law will be in town on Friday so I had to cancel with S1. She realized that she also had an obligation that day so I guess that worked out.

10-17-19

I noticed a few days ago that we officially have a new neighbor two houses down. I wanted to make something to take over because it feels less awkward when you have baked goods to hand over. I knew we were making pumpkin bread today from a recipe given to me by R1 that makes three loaves at once and figured that’d be perfect. I made it while the kids were at school and we took it over after the kids got home. Our neighbor was home and introduced herself (J7). I learned a little about her. She was very friendly and invited us in to see her house and meet her cats. I gave her my business card and asked her to text me so I’d have her number, which she did.

10-18-19

On my way into the neighborhood this morning I saw my neighbor walking their dog and stopped to ask how they were doing. They said they’re almost fully recovered and going to a conference in S.C. on Sunday.

10-20-19

We spent the weekend in Atlanta catching up with friends. I texted our neighbor S1 on the way down Friday to ask her to check for packages on Saturday. I am glad I did because two showed up. When we got back this evening, she brought our packages to us. She’s very sweet.

10-25-19

As I was heading down to the bus stop to pick up the kids this afternoon, I saw J7 driving down the street. She stopped for a minute to talk. She was on her way to pick up a table and chairs for her house.

*****

Month three is in the books. We’ve gotten busy toward the end of the month with my family visiting. I hope we’ll continue to look for opportunities to engage with the neighbors. How do you think we’re doing?

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Welcome to the first official post of our family’s Asheville adventure! I was trying to figure out how best to format my posts about our search for community. I have been keeping a journal which I will use for content. I will divide it up into three different aspects: neighborhood, church, and friends. These seem like three distinct areas regarding community that may (hopefully) or may not overlap as our time in Asheville lengthens. “Friends” is kind of a vague and inaccurate title but sounds better than “other.” I’m defining it as our activities and explorations of the area as well as work, school, and the gym (since that’s where I consistently go on weekdays). The format may change as we go, but I think it’s a good start.

This week I’ll talk about our neighborhood. It’s actually a semi-circle street of seventeen houses. Quite different from our 900+ house neighborhood in Acworth with a pool, tennis courts, multiple playgrounds, and community events. I doubt there are block parties here, but we’ll see. I’m brainstorming potential community activities that could be started if there aren’t already some. Below are my first month’s entries about our neighborhood. (I’ll be using initials and numbers for people identification to protect their privacy as much as possible.)

07-26-19

We closed on our house yesterday and moved in the stuff that was in our cars. We didn’t see any neighbors.

08-03-19

I have met a couple of people on our street. On our way to celebrate our anniversary (on the 27th, though our anniversary was the 29th) Adam stopped the car and said hi to the man next door. I didn’t quite catch his name. Adam met some other neighbors while I was gone (to Statesville to pick up the kids and bring them back when the moving truck came on the 30th). S1 came over from the other side of our house the day our stuff came. I met C1, our mail carrier when she delivered a package. L1 on our street somewhere has two little dachshunds and a 13 yo son.

08-09-19

I was doing a little weeding last night and met K1 and B1 who live across and down the street a bit. They have grandkids about my kids’ ages. They were pretty friendly. Everyone seemed to know the previous owners of our house. When I feel a little more settled I’ll have to take my own laps of the street and try to meet others.

08-13-19

We were in Atlanta this past weekend and went to our church on Sunday. The message was about community and its purpose in being known by others. Of course, that’s what we want. During the message I had a couple of thoughts. I’ve been joking that because our new neighborhood seems to be mainly retirees, we’d have the same schedule of being available during the day. It made me think about meeting neighbors and seeing if there’s interest in starting a daytime book club on our street. Of course, I have to meet people first. I also thought about doing a prayer walk around the neighborhood, praying for each house and looking for opportunities to meet neighbors. I also thought about making cookies to have an excuse to say hi. We know someone on our street is gluten-free so I thought we’d make two kinds. I bought ingredients to do so and have a recipe so we’re all set.

Yesterday Kaitlyn and I made banana bread. I realized we didn’t have baking soda so I decided to go ask a neighbor. It wasn’t quite nine so I thought it might be too early to knock on some doors. I saw a garage open and chose that house. I had met the couple once. The woman recognized me and said my name. I said “C1?” and she corrected me. “K1.” I realized our mail carrier is C1. I’m sure we’re probably the youngest people on the street which makes us easy to recognize. K1 was willing to give me some baking soda. She said her 3yo grandson was coming over later and they were also going to make banana bread. Pretty fun. Next time I am going to get contact info. I should remember to carry my phone and (business) cards.

08-20-19

I met a new neighbor tonight, K2. She’s apparently single with grown kids but maybe not grandkids yet. Adam put some chairs on the front porch and I am currently out here hoping some neighbors might be out to walk their dogs. I chatted a bit with S1 this afternoon on the way to and from the bus stop. I learned she has four cats, likes gardening, and apparently sews as she offered to make pillows for the kids’ beds. K2 has a dog and lived in England among other places.

08-22-19

I met our across the street neighbor S2 and her dog (whom the kids were calling Oreo because her head and tail are black and her middle is white with black spots) yesterday while the kids were out riding bikes. She has a daughter who’s getting ready to start grad school. She was nice like everyone else has been. I had a thought of trying to get pictures of neighbors’ pets and turn them into note cards. We’ll see if that happens.

*****

To sum up, I’ve met six neighbors (seven if you include the gentleman whose name I didn’t catch) and one mail carrier. I have a plethora of ideas for getting to know the neighbors better but have not yet executed a single one.

Do you have any ideas to help us get to know our neighbors? Do you have any positive memories of people reaching out to you in creative ways when you were new to a neighborhood? I’m quite open to suggestions! On the flip side, any negative experiences you wouldn’t recommend we attempt? Share your stories!

My Favorite Things

It’s Friday Five time! Last September I participated in a weekly blog link up and enjoyed having a specific prompt to write on. I found that writing weekly was too large of a commitment for me at the time. When I saw the prompt for today I thought it’d be fun to try to jump back into the fray. This week’s challenge is to share five of our favorite things. That gives me a whole lot of wiggle room. I’m just going to dive in and see where it goes.

  1. Sleep. Oh man, I love sleep! My body loves sleep! When allowed, it will try to average nine hours of sleep per night. This rarely happens, especially now that we have a school age child. Also, more recently I have come to prefer other things to extra sleep, mainly a quiet house so that I can spend some quality time in prayer and devotion reading first thing in the morning. I have a tendency to feel guilty when I sleep longer than everyone else so I will head straight downstairs instead of taking time for this important and beneficial activity. I would rather miss a little sleep than feel guilt. I also know that if my body doesn’t get good sleep for several days in a row that I will get sick so I try to avoid multiple nights of less than 6.5 hours.
  2. Books. Yes, I realize this is a very generic thing but I’m not sorry. I LOOOOOOVE books! I am almost always reading at least one book (usually two). My favorite genre is Christian living. I also like autobiographies, historical fiction, humor, action and adventure, classics, comics, decorating, cooking, organizing…I will read just about anything. I have read a large number of picture books and chapter books since having children and enjoy many of those as well. I don’t particularly care for most science fiction, horror or super gushy romance titles. I’m sure there are a few other genres I don’t care for that I haven’t listed. Reading is my haven, my escape from reality, my relaxation and me-time. I would much rather read than watch tv or a movie. If I am alone, it’s my go-to activity. If you like books, I can talk to you for hours. I am always eager to share about my most recent favorites and recommend ones I think you might enjoy.

bookshelf
This is my actual home library.
  1. Exercising. Once again, generic. Exercising makes me feel good physically, mentally and emotionally. “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.” (Elle Woods, Legally Blonde) I don’t know about anyone else, but there is a lot of truth in this statement. No, I have never wanted to shoot anyone, but a happy wife/mom creates a much more positive environment for her family. I played sports growing up which didn’t feel like exercise to me, but rather enjoyable activities. I learned how to play tennis when we moved to Georgia and enjoyed that as well. I have tried to find exercise forms that are more fun than work. It’s probably why I don’t care much for running. It feels like work. I have had a couple of instances when it wasn’t terrible, which is progress. However, I prefer classes where people can push me to work hard. I have really increased my practice of yoga the past couple of years and, while I don’t always sweat, I have been sore the next day a number of times. I have also seen improved flexibility and strength. Anywho, obviously I love exercising.

happy quote22

  1. Beauty in nature. I love a brilliant sunrise or sunset (though I’m more likely to witness the latter – see favorite #1). I love a breathtaking view of mountains and valleys, of an endless ocean, of sandy beaches, millions of stars stretching across a midnight blue sky. I love the vibrant colors of fall leaves and spring flowers. I love the sound of babbling streams and the crash of waves on the shore. There are so many wonderful things to see and experience outdoors. I enjoy hiking through the woods and spotting animals, hearing birds call, frogs croak and the wind rustle the leaves. It is so peaceful and calming.

agriculture-arable-clouds-countryside

  1. Deep friendships. I am an introvert. I thrive in close one-on-one relationships. Nothing makes me feel more alive and connected than sharing the things of my heart with someone and them reciprocating. It is an honor and a privilege I do not take lightly. I love when I find someone I can be very open and honest with and receive acceptance and love. These relationships are not formed quickly or often but when they do, they are so refreshing and restorative. I gain healing from giving and receiving truth.

 

It turns out my list of “things” aren’t really things at all. Yes, books are tangible items, but I read a lot of books borrowed from the library and friends so it’s not about the physical book. It’s about the experience of learning, of engaging with new ideas or an imaginary world for a bit. That was a very interesting discovery.

So there we have it. Five of my favorite things. These have been some of my favorites for a long time. Are any of them your favorite? What would your list look like? I’d love to hear from you!

Also, please check out mrsdisciple.com to read other #FridayFive lists.

Seven Things I’ve Learned From My 3-Year-Old About Building Community

  My son, the extrovert, does not seem to mind Island Living. (This is the term I’ve coined to describe my family’s experience of living and parenting away from family.) He creates his own community wherever he goes.

   At the gym he befriended an older gentleman who exercises in the pool most mornings. They had not actually heard each others’ voices because of the glass between the pool and the lobby, but every day he would run to the glass to show Mr. Bob what to he had brought and Bob would pantomime back, I would try to interpret, and then Bob would splash the glass in front of Jackson. J worked hard on perfecting his thumbs up gesture so that he could flash it back at Bob. 
   I’ve actually now had a few conversations with Bob when we happen to meet outside the pool at the gym (and once at the grocery store). We gave him a Christmas card so he would know our names (before we had spoken) and he gave Jackson a Christmas present. I know that relationship would not exist without Jackson and his friendly nature (and I love when others take an interest in my children).
   Whenever we go to a park, the pool, a restaurant – wherever – Jackson inevitably strikes up a conversation with someone. Most of the time it is usually to ask another person to play with him. At three years old, he doesn’t always remember to ask their names so he often refers to them as “kid” or “my friend”, though if he learns their name then he will ask about them the next time we’re at the place where they met.
   At restaurants he often turns around to ask the (usually) older girl what her name is. Once, to the shagrin of his grandparents, he turned to two teenage girls in the booth behind him and said, “Hello, ladies!”
   We were at the pool earlier this summer and he started talking to another mother about The Jungle Book. Later he went over to her while she was laying in a lounge chair and asked her to watch him while he jumped into the pool (before you think I ignore or neglect him, I was in the water waiting to catch him when he performed his magnificent feat). He checked several times to make sure she was watching, jumped, then immediately looked to her for her reaction. I appreciated her obliging him. 
   He has no fear of talking to unknown people. He assumes he will be well received, have a positive interaction and an immediate new friend. I love his boldness, innocence and confidence. I usually start a conversation with the parent of the child Jackson’s playing with. I admittedly feel more awkward during these interactions than he does. I’ve probably lost my lack of inhibition through my own encounters with people over the years. I love that Jackson reminds me that there are always opportunities to have positive social interactions and meet some potential new friends.
Playing catch with a “new friend” at the park
  In honor of my gregarious son, I have compiled a list of seven things I’ve learned from watching him navigate his world. Perhaps I could gain quite a bit from acting more like him.
1. He’s not bothered about lacking a built-in community. He’s comfortable making his own wherever he goes.
2. He doesn’t discriminate. He sees everyone as a potential new friend.
3. He is confident that he will be accepted and enjoyed for who he is.
4. He enjoys the community that is available to him rather than lamenting what he doesn’t have.
5. He is not afraid to seek out community. He’s not worried about looking weak or needy.
6. He seems to implicitly know that creating community benefits everyone involved.
7. He is not concerned about what others will think. He doesn’t hesitate to ask for what he wants or needs.
Is there anything on this list that you could benefit from implementing in your own life? What have you learned from watching your own children navigate the world?
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