Megan Byrd

Writer

book

My Goal for 2019

I enjoy setting goals. It helps me determine what my priorities are and keeps me focused. Having something to work toward adds structure to my days and prevents me from aimlessness. I know that I need accountability in my goals because, while I am not great about keeping promises to myself, I am a people pleaser and will work hard to live up to what I’ve shared with others in order to prevent disappointing them.

I know it is good to work to my strengths and, while I am not proud to admit my people pleasing struggle, I know publicly announcing my intentions will help me to be faithful to complete them. Why it doesn’t matter as much to fail privately probably says the most about my need for external acceptance, but that’s a subject for another day.

The point of this article is to share my goal for 2019. I had quite a few goals last year which kept me quite busy. The book goals were ambitious but fun for most of the year. They got a little cumbersome toward the end but I am thankful for all that I learned from diversifying my reading. The past few years my goals have focused on three categories – personal/growth, spouse/marriage, and kids/family. I think they have been good for nurturing these important aspects of my life.

The second half of 2018 I was beginning to feel a pull toward less, toward simplicity. I want to focus on fewer things so that I can enjoy what I am doing, improve my proficiency in those areas, and not feel pulled in too many directions. I often have been interested in trying new things and wanting to be a Jack-of-all-Trades. But we know the second half of that saying, “Master of None.” Recently I have admitted to myself that there is one dream I most want to accomplish and realized that I will have to eliminate things that distract me from that goal or take up time I should be allotting to it. I want to have more time to devote to what is really important.

In that spirit, I have decided to set only one goal for 2019, but don’t worry, it’s a doozy. My goal this year is to write a book.

You might know that I have already published a book. I started writing it after I got married and finished it a few months before my daughter was born in 2010. I used a company to help edit, format, create cover art, and publish it which happened in February of 2012, right when I became pregnant with my son. Needless to say, my time has since been consumed largely by my wonderful family.

This past fall my youngest started kindergarten which means both kids are now in school for seven to eight hours five days a week. Having regular chunks of free time allowed me to think about my goals and personal dreams again.

I didn’t know if I would write another book after the first one but I had an idea for a new book about two years ago and started outlining it. This year I want to get it finished and try to find a publisher. It’s quite ambitious but I know if I state it out loud there’s a very good chance that it will happen. The odds are much higher than if I keep my aim to myself.

So, there you have it. A book written in 2019. I would love to hear about your goals for this coming year. Are you good about keeping promises to yourself or do you struggle like me? Is there something particularly ambitious you’d like to try to accomplish? Please share it with me!

Happy New Year! May your 2019 be filled with joy, laughter, friends, family, and fun.

Growing in Creativity and Self-Awareness

I have been working through The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron.  It is a twelve-week workbook designed to reignite creativity. Each week there is a reading portion, sometimes with a few one time or week-long exercises embedded into. There are also ten activities to do. Knowing that it will not always be feasible to complete all of them, it is suggested that you at minimum do the one that most excites you and the one to which you are most resistant. In addition, each day you are supposed to hand write three notebook pages first thing in the morning, and each week have an artist’s date (a time of fun or exploring by yourself). At the end of the week, there are four questions you answer to gauge how your week went and whether any progress has been noticed.

If it sounds like a lot of work, it is. It is something you have to commit to doing thoroughly in order to experience real progress or breakthroughs. As I write this, I am a little over halfway through the book. I have been working through it with an online group. It helps me with accountability to actually do it but is also nice to hear others’ experiences. We all have different things blocking us from our creativity and we have to individually discover what they are and how to get through them.

I thought that the hardest part would be the daily writing (appropriately called Morning Pages). I didn’t want to have to get up earlier to do it so I either do it right after the kids go to school (on the weekdays) or first thing when I wake up (on weekends). I also agreed with myself that if I woke up before my alarm on weekdays, I would get up and do the morning pages before the kids got up. I have woken up early on weekdays far more than I thought I would. Perhaps my mind recognizes the importance of this practice and is coordinating with my body to make it happen.

I have actually come to really enjoy these pages. It is like a brain dump first thing so I can get on with the rest of the day. I have been surprised at the emotions and issues that have surfaced during my writing. I have become more aware of how I truly feel about events and circumstances and have been able to admit fears and feelings of guilt or shame. I now look forward (most days) to this new routine.

I was worried that writing three pages by hand each morning would use up all of my desire to write for the day, but it hasn’t. Sometimes, I have thought and written more on the issues that arose in the morning pages. The early morning writing seems to get me into the writing mood and mindset. Even if I don’t end up writing again during the day, it has helped me feel accomplished.

What I have struggled with the most is the Artist’s Date. It isn’t a set length or a set activity (which really messes with my perfectionist tendencies). It’s supposed to be something that I find fun and might help spark creativity. It’s hard to produce new content without inspiration that can be drawn from experiences. If all I do is sit and write, where is new material supposed to be drawn from? Getting out into the world and interacting with it can help. Consuming the art of others can also be very useful (plays, music, artwork, movies, books, nature). I have found that seeing others’ creative work inspires me.

This sounds like fun, so how could there be a problem? I struggle with the belief that everything I do should be productive. How is having fun, especially fun by myself, beneficial to others? I tend to feel guilty when I think about doing something that I want to do that does appear to have a real purpose. I especially feel guilty at the thought of spending money on fun I have alone. Why do I think I deserve to finance fun? Who do I think I am? I’m not making any money, so spending it on myself is selfish. These are the thoughts that permeate my mind. Yes, I have managed to come up with quite a few fun and free activities for my artist’s date but am still struggling to accept that it’s okay to have fun and pay a little for it. I am hoping that I can work through this hindrance and find freedom.

So has there been any progress thus far in the journey? I have noticed creative spurts throughout this process. They have not all been connected to writing and I have enjoyed the variety. I am feeling encouraged to have more fun and be less rigid in life – not to completely get rid of a schedule but to be more open to spontaneity and change. I am being reminded that my Creator is inviting me to partner with him in my own creative ventures. I was created to be creative. It’s not selfish to use my gifts and abilities in creative manners. I am learning that I have a lot of fear in taking risks. I want to be assured of success before I risk. It is helpful to be reminded that stretching myself and trying things is a success in itself. The attempt may fail but it yields new knowledge and information.

I don’t know what will happen in the second half of this work, but I am confident that it will be beneficial. I already feel greater confidence and empowerment in what I have received thus far. It is a great read for stimulating and encouraging the artist inside me.

Do you have a greater desire to experience more creativity in your life? Consider going through this book to learn how (this is not a sponsored post, just an enthusiastic and inspired reader).

Of Mess & Moxie: A Review (and Giveaway!)

Of Mess and Moxie: Wrangling Delight Out of This Wild and Glorious Life by Jen Hatmaker is a collection of essays about life, Jesus, parenting and relationships. Sprinkled among the stories of her past, the wisdom she’s learned from experience, the encouragement to live life fully engaged and pursuing our dreams are some very sarcastic and very true “How To”s (How To Get a Good Night’s Rest With Young Children – haha!). She also includes a few recipes as cooking is one of her favorites.

I was very encouraged, inspired, and convicted by several of her essays. The chapter “Defer and Prefer” has been rolling around in my head in the days since I read it. Jen is talking about this in the context of marriage and communication styles but I have been thinking about this for all of my relationships in general. If I am trying to really love God and others then a defer and prefer mindset can help me to become better at both.

“Bonus Moms” talked about the treasure of parenting in community, of having trusted friends who can help shoulder the load. Bonus parents can be sounding boards for your kids when they might not necessarily want to talk to their parents about everything. This community-style living is something that I have craved for a long time – probably ever since I became a mother. I have gotten glimpses and tastes but nothing consistent. I would like to continue to pursue this goal of having other adults and families regularly in my children’s lives so that they have some more relationships with non-family members they can trust and confide in.

Once again, Jen writes a book you will want to refer back to when you’re struggling in your current season and want some encouragement, support or hope. You will close the book and feel that your perspective on life has been bolstered. If you want someone to remind you that you are doing well in your season and there is light at the end of the tunnel, this book is for you.

The book is officially out August 8, 2017. Go ahead and preorder a copy to receive some special freebies (only available until August 7th)! You won’t be disappointed!

Here’s something extra special for you. I enjoyed this book so much that I want you to have it too! To be eligible, comment on this post by sharing something in life that gives you delight or joy and like the social media post that brought you to this page. This opportunity runs through August 7th at 11:59 pm EDT and the winner will be selected on August 8th when the book officially releases. Good luck!

***Update: The winner of the book is Amanda Wissmann! Congratulations!***

Celebrating, Mourning, and Other Aspects of Friendship

Friendships are very important to me. As someone who does not have the blessing of family nearby I have to depend on the relationships I form where I live to give me the social and relational time I desire. I want to have the healthiest, most live-giving relationships possible so I have recently sought advice and encouragement on having solid friendships in the book Never Unfriended by Lisa-Jo Baker. It was so good that I want to share some of the truths I found in the hopes that you, too, can enjoy quality relationships in your own life.

What can you do to find safe, loving, engaged friends whom you can trust never to unfriend you? Become radically invested in the people around you. Take the initiative and become that kind of friend first. The kind of friend who: 1. Draws us closer to God. 2. Draws us closer to others. 3. Helps us become the real person God created us to be.

~ Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended

I do want to be someone who encourages others, especially my friends. I know that I have a gift for encouragement and I want to use it for the benefit of those around me. I want to be someone who supports others’ dreams and celebrates with them when they find success. I want to be someone who is still present and supportive when there are setbacks or heartache.  I want to be someone who is there through thick and thin, who is quick to show grace and think the best of others. I want to be someone who is a safe place for others, who is willing to do what I can for those around me.

Fine means the end of a conversation; the beginning of nothing. Now it’s time for the battle cry that if Truth can set us free, it’s best to start living in those places. Maybe going first and admitting our un-fine isn’t a weakness; instead, it’s a gift to the women around us who can finally exhale and admit their un-fine too.

~Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended

I do want to be willing to admit when I need help, when life is not all roses. I want to share my struggles so that solutions and encouragement and support can be found. If I continue to pretend everything is fine when I am actually hurting, it will be difficult to encounter healing. It is better to seek assistance than to try to go it alone – healing may be found faster and more completely.

Showing vulnerability makes me more accessible. I am not up on some perfect pedestal, but am in the trenches of real life with everyone else.

Admitting my struggle invites community. It invites others to gather around me and utilize their gifts and abilities for God’s glory and honor. Without it I am forfeiting others’ opportunity to be a blessing.

Do we have it in us, though, to go the distance? Do we have it in us to keep walking with our friends…Will we stay through the long, cold dark with them or will we tire and want to untie ourselves from a story that doesn’t have a convenient or happy ending?

~Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended

This is an uncomfortable area for me. I feel helpless and out of control in the face of another’s grief. I feel awkward and useless. I have heard that sometimes just sitting with someone as they grieve – being physically present – is all that is needed. Words are not necessarily magical healers. You probably can’t say one perfect thing to immediately remove the grief. Grieving is a process and takes an unknown amount of time. I want to be willing  to walk along side a friend as long as I’m needed or useful, even if that means a lifetime of support.

My tendency with uncomfortable feelings and emotions has been to distance myself from whatever the source of them are. I want to become more willing to sit in the uncomfortableness with others and seek to be a part of their healing (when needed) even when it’s awkward and I feel useless for doing anything that seems meaningful. I want to remember to just show up and trust God to show up with me and do his thing.

I have noticed that I struggle to sacrifice and be inconvenienced for my relationships. I am embarrassed by this but awareness is needed before change can occur.

How do you think you score as far as supporting your friends’ dreams? Do you also struggle with hanging in there and helping a friend walk through difficult times? 

 

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This is the fourth post of a series exploring some of the ideas in Never Unfriended: The Secret to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships by Lisa-Jo Baker. If you’re interested in reading the other posts, please click on a title: The Fear of Missing Out, Finding Our Approval, Guilt-Free Friendship, The Comparison Trap and Working Through Negative Feelings.

Guilt-Free Friendship

Relationships take work, and they’ll slowly die off…if we don’t tend to them and water them with regular time, conversations, and interest.

~Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended

Yes, it’s obvious that relationships take work. My struggle is with not wanting to feel that the burden is solely on me to do the work if I want to keep them (and perhaps this is a lie from the enemy that I choose to believe at times). Relationships take two people and if I am the only one making a concerted effort, is it really a relationship? But then what does it mean to make an effort? Yes, reaching out takes time and intention. But so does responding affirmatively to an invitation. If I ask and the other person chooses to do what is needed to be able to respond or make a meet up happen, then we should both be credited for having put forth effort. Sometimes I err in thinking that being the initiator equals doing all of the work.

There are seasons in life where one person has more resources available to put toward the relationship – more time and energy – but, after a while, those resources can become depleted and make the person feel apathetic because the apparent returns have greatly diminished (though if we’re focusing on what we can get out of the relationship, our head is probably not in the proper place).

When I am feeling depleted I am tempted to give up, to stop making an effort and let the relationship die. I hate when that happens because, obviously, I once deeply cared about the relationship and still like the person. Perhaps it’s just time for me to rest and let the relationship idle for a bit until more attention can be given to it. I probably ought to pray about the situation – ask God if the season of this relationship has passed and it’s okay to let go and move forward, if he has more purpose for the relationship and it’s just a temporary break or if I need to continue to persevere in reaching out. I’m still trying to navigate this area.

Guilt-free friendship says that anytime you get back to me is a good time. Guilt-free friendship says that I will always assume the best about your motivations. Guilt-free friendship says that I won’t keep score when it comes to e-mails answered or phone calls returned. Guilt-free friendship focuses on  the friendship and ditches the guilt. Guilt-free friendship loves any chance and any slice of time to catch up; it isn’t about criticizing how much or how frequently that happens. Instead, guilt-free friendship is generous and forgiving and creates easy space for reconnecting because it doesn’t have any conditions for how or when or often that happens.

~Lisa-Jo Baker, Never Unfriended

I would love to have a heart that always leans toward guilt-free friendships. I want to be able to enjoy friendships wherever and whenever the opportunity to connect arises. In some of my friendships I have achieved a mindset where I do not feel neglected for not having regular contact and am thoroughly able to enjoy those times we do get together and reconnect. In others, I still want more effort or intentionality from them. I don’t know why I have different desires for seemingly similar-dynamic friendships. I suppose that’s just more work that needs to be done in me.

What about you? Do you ever struggle with intentionality or reciprocity in relationships? How do you navigate the ebbs and flows of friendships?

 

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This is the third post of a series exploring some of the ideas in Never Unfriended: The Secret to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships by Lisa-Jo Baker. If you’re interested in reading the other posts, please click on a title: The Fear of Missing Out, Finding Our Approval, Celebrating, Mourning and Other Aspects of Friendship, The Comparison Trap and Working Through Negative Feelings.

The Fear of Missing Out

I have struggled the past few years with feeling a lack of strong community. I have often wondered whether it’s due to my current season of life as a parent with young children. It seems harder to make time to connect with others when my schedule revolves around caring for my children and it takes a lot of forethought and planning (and an available sitter) to be able to get together without at least one child in tow. I have wrestled and prayed and fumed and whined about it.

I recently read Never Unfriended: The Secret to Finding & Keeping Lasting Friendships by Lisa-Jo Baker. I was initially embarrassed to be seen reading a book with such a title. I felt like a weirdo for wanting to learn more about having successful relationships. I eventually got over my self-consciousness and devoured the contents of the book. I want to share some of my favorite quotes and thoughts but there is so much wisdom, encouragement, and truth in the book that it will have to be done in multiple posts over the next few weeks. If this is an area where you struggle, please check back for the other posts (or subscribe to have them emailed directly to you) and also check out the book for yourself! I hope my take-aways will encourage you in your own relationships.

How many times have you opened Facebook or Instagram only to catch a glimpse of an event you didn’t know was happening in your town and that you weren’t invited to? Or that a friend was in the area and didn’t ever reach out to you? How many times have we translated those images into the assumption that it was done on purpose? That the failure to connect or invite or include was because we were somehow found lacking? How often have we jumped from a photograph to a full-page story in our own heads that stars us as the excluded victim?

This paragraph really jumped out at me and smacked right into my own struggle. Since most people post the best or most exciting parts of their lives online, the threat of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is huge. Sometimes, even if I was already doing my own fun thing simultaneously as some other event, I am likely to feel like the thing I missed was better than the one I enjoyed.

When I see friends doing things I might have been able to enjoy as well had I known about it, I do struggle with the thought that there’s something wrong with me. The enemy tries to plant the thought that there’s an aspect of me or my personality that repels others. If I allow this thought to grow, then usually I will begin to believe that all of my friends are in regular contact and communication with one another and I’m the only one feeling lonely.

On my better days, I choose to turn my thoughts over to God through prayer. I remind myself that God loves me and has my best interests in mind. He is not withholding good from me because he’s spiteful. Something that seems good may not be what is actually best. If I can trust God’s provision and timing for relationships, then I can enjoy what I do have rather than what I am tempted to believe I am lacking.

When FOMO is really strong, I am sometimes tempted to shut down all social media to avoid the heartache I might feel from continuing to view it. I could probably do just fine without it. I do like using it to keep up with extended family and long-distance friends and a few other things. I should probably be conscious of how I am using it (not as a distraction or time waster) and close it up if I begin to feel discouraged or jealous.

 

Do you struggle with FOMO and social media? How do you regain proper perspective when you feel like you are in a negative spiral?

 

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This is the first post of a series exploring some of the ideas in Never Unfriended: The Secret to Finding and Keeping Lasting Friendships by Lisa-Jo Baker. If you’re interested in reading the other posts, please click on a title: Finding Our Approval, Guilt-Free Friendship, Celebrating, Mourning and Other Aspects of Friendship, The Comparison Trap, and Working Through Negative Feelings.

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