“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Prov. 3:5-6 NIV)
I experience recurring panic-inducing dreams where I’m in a car I can’t control. It could be that the brakes don’t work, or I’m steering but for some reason, my feet can’t get to the pedals. Often, the car is going too fast, and I’m in a cold sweat trying to dodge other cars and obstacles. Sometimes I sideswipe at least one car and cringe at the damage I know I will have to pay for while also dealing with a traffic ticket. I’m always so glad when I wake up and realize it’s only a dream.
I hate that out-of-control feeling. I’m powerless to stop the destruction I sense is coming.
I think that’s why I enjoy schedules and routines so much. I have a sense of control and an idea of what the future holds. But in reality, it’s a tenuous grasp. I can’t really schedule everything that’s going to happen and expect there to be no surprises or fluctuation in my plans. For one thing, I have a family—a husband, two children, and a cat—all of whom have their own agendas that don’t often perfectly align with mine.
There are days when someone is sick, and their care takes priority for the day. Other times, they need an emotional connection, which cannot be pushed to a more convenient time.
All of this teaches me to hold my plans loosely. Choosing to attach my life to others means allowing for inconveniences and a looser hold on my time. God has never wanted me to be in control of my life. He asks me to let go, to lose my life to him, to willingly release the reins into his hands.
Intellectually, I know this, but my flesh struggles. I know God is trustworthy. I know he has good purposes for me, but I sometimes struggle to live as if these things are true. It’s my fear that maybe God isn’t who he says he is, that he will not come through for me when I need him. Or worse, that his plans for me are different than my plans for myself. Maybe my dreams are different from what I was created to do. Am I willing to set aside my own goals for God’s? Can I trust that his plans are so much better?
Read the rest over at The Glorious Table.