searching for community

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?: Part 6

We’ve lived in our neighborhood for six months now. We have met nearly everyone on the street which I think is quite an accomplishment. If you’re new, consider following this journey from the beginning by reading about months one, two, three, four, and five.

12-28-19

We cleared out the basement this morning to prepare for the renovations next month (Adam mostly). S1 & B2 came over to look at the progress as they were out trimming bushes (our basement door opens to the side of their house). S1 said we should hang out again soon.

01-06-20

I received a thank you card in the mail from my neighbor T1. The kids and I had dropped cookies off on her front porch over Christmas. She shared her experience of finding the container with her grandkids. So cute!

01-15-20

I went to our neighborhood HOA meeting tonight. I knew everyone except for one couple so I went over and introduced myself before the meeting. Now there’s only one house I haven’t met the occupants of and they are the ones who face the main road. The meeting lasted about half an hour. A perk of being in a small neighborhood I suppose. S1 and K1 approached me separately at the meeting and asked if I would be joining them next Tuesday for another lunch and shopping day. I said I had to check my schedule.

01-16-20

I texted S1 today to confirm my availability for next Tuesday. I think she said there’s a new restaurant in Hendersonville they want to check out.

01-21-20

I met S1, K1, and their former neighbor to go consignment shopping and to lunch. We went down to Hendersonville. I sat in the back and talked to S1. It was nice to be out and chatting with the ladies.

I feel like I am somewhat involved with the neighborhood. If we had a dog I might see more people while walking it. I have usually run into at least one person whenever I walk the loop for exercise. Perhaps we should consider having someone over for dinner again.

Pushing Forward (Friends Part 5)

We are searching for community in all areas of our lives. While it has been slow going in our neighborhood and through our church hunt, we’ve been making more progress in our everyday connections. This is an account of our fifth month in Asheville.

12-02-19

We had friends up from Atlanta for the weekend and had a good time. The kids all had a blast and, of course, were sad when time was up.

I texted E1 this morning to see if we could potentially get together Wednesday evening to see a movie. Unfortunately, she’s busy this week. We’ll try another time.

I texted R1 about meeting tomorrow but she’s scheduled to work. I’ll at least see her if I go to the gym.

I stopped at the library this morning to drop off books and pick up some more. I saw A4. She asked how NanoWriMo went and I told her. I asked if she wrote every day (her plan for November). I’ll see her Saturday at the party if she goes. If not, then next week at the Creative Writing Group meeting.

I signed up to help with the kids’ school’s holiday shop in a few weeks. Maybe I can meet people that way.

The kids both start basketball tomorrow. I’m hoping we can make some connections there also.

Jackson wants to participate in the after school Lego building group this spring. Kaitlyn wants to do the theater group. A few of her classmates did it this fall and are going to do it again. It’s part of the reason she’s interested. I’m glad the kids are trying to plug in at school.

My blog post this morning was about feeling a little lonely. One of my Atlanta friends emailed me with some encouragement. That meant a lot to me.

12-03-19

I went to the gym this morning. R1 was working so we talked some before and after my workout. It wasn’t overly crowded so we didn’t feel rushed in our conversation. I try to be mindful that she is at work and don’t want to keep her from doing her job.

I took Kaitlyn to her first basketball practice this evening. I had been under the impression that she was signed up for an all-girls team but learned it was co-ed when we got there. We then learned that Kaitlyn was the only girl on the team which wasn’t going to work. I spoke to the coordinator and she moved Kaitlyn to a team with other girls. She practiced with the all-boys team because her new team’s practice is an hour earlier. Hopefully next week things will be good. I talked to the mom next to me during the practice. Her son is on the team. She also suggested the team we switched to and said she was friends with the coach. It seemed like Jackson’s practice went well. Adam said he talked to the dad of a kid on Jackson’s team on the way out.

12-04-19

I went to a class at the Y today. I saw A7 and talked to him for a bit. I met a new woman and she was friendly. N1 was also in the class but we didn’t really talk other than to say hi. We had a new teacher – N2 who is on the PTO board at school. I talked to R1 before and after class.

12-05-19

I went to STRONG again today. There were about twelve women in there. It’s challenging but fun. It makes me want to do more boxing/kickboxing workouts. When I arrived, I started talking to J8 who works there. I saw her at the gym Tuesday night with her daughter for basketball. She said they are now going to be practicing over at the big church at the same time as Jackson. So if I ever take Jackson to practice I’ll know someone. She said basketball’s a lot of fun because the parents really seem to get into it. I guess we’ll see.

I texted R1 this afternoon to let her know I may not be at the gym tomorrow because I’m hanging with my neighbors. I also wanted to verify that we’re hanging out on Monday of next week.

12-07-19

We went to the gym as a family this morning. Adam and I ran on treadmills. When I was done I saw A5 at the weights and went to say hi. He said everyone in his family was there and that R1 was in the FF Room. I looked for her but she wasn’t there. I received a text from her just as we arrived back at home asking where I was (she’d talked to A5) and if we wanted to all get froyo after exercising. Obviously that didn’t work out.

I went to Pack Library this afternoon for the NaNoWriMo party. There were four library employees and seven participants. It was fun hearing about others’ stories and sharing mine. I stayed and chatted a little afterward. One woman offered to read and lightly edit my work when I get to that point. That was kind of her. I may take her up on it. I friended her on FB. I’m glad I went.

12-09-19

R1 came over to the house this morning to hang out. I gave her a copy of the book for our study in January. Hopefully, she will enjoy reading the book. I’ve been part of multiple studies/books where I’m about the only one who stays on track. I guess we’ll see how this one goes. I’m optimistic it will go well.

12-11-19

Adam took Jackson to basketball practice last night and I took Kaitlyn to hers. I met the coach and Kaitlyn seemed to like having two other girls on the team. Another parent also helped with the practice. I didn’t talk to anyone. Adam said he talked to the wife of the man he’d met the week before. He learned that they live in Fairview and attend the Stadia church plant in Asheville our friend had told us about. He also learned that their other son is on Kaitlyn’s new team. That’s pretty crazy. Maybe at the games Saturday we can have complete introductions. I guess we’ll see.

Kaitlyn stayed home sick from school today so I didn’t go to my creative writing group.

12-14-19

We hosted some of Adam’s coworkers for a holiday party at our house last night. We had seven guests. J3 and V1 came and J3 (who’s a baker) brought delicious confections. I talked a good bit to her and she was surprised that we haven’t seen each other at the gym. I’ll be on the lookout for her in the future. I also talked a good bit to another coworker’s wife. She also goes to the Y but usually in the evenings. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

There were no basketball games today because the kids are both sick. I guess I’ll have to wait to meet the family Adam’s talked to in January. Such is life. Thankfully we can just hang around doing nothing today.

12-16-19

I went to the gym this morning and ran into R1 on the floor. One of the trainers introduced us to one of the new machines which turned out to be a hip dip/thrust machine. I told R1 I thought it would be fun to do one of her workouts with her. She seemed agreeable to it so we’re trying to figure out a day and time.

Kaitlyn said that she and some girls are doing a Secret Santa gift exchange. It’s being organized by C4. I’m glad Kaitlyn is making friends.

12-17-19

I met E1 at the movies this morning. It was nice to be able to catch up for a bit before the movie started. Hopefully, our families can get together over break.

I took J to practice tonight. None of the parents seemed interested in conversing so I couldn’t figure out who Adam had talked to.

12-18-19

I went to the gym early. I saw R1 and talked to her a bit before I left. I went to the school to volunteer at the Holiday Shop. M4 was there at the beginning but was gone for most of my shift. I worked with another mom and a school employee. The time passed very quickly. I didn’t see either of my kids in the shop.

When I was leaving, I did see Kaitlyn walking out to the playground for recess. As I was driving away, I saw her and a group of girls huddled together on the track. It made this mom’s heart happy.

We received a Christmas card from K4 & E4 L.

12-19-19

I volunteered at the school again this morning. M4 was back as was the employee from yesterday. I met another mom who worked checkout with me. I saw Jackson and his assistant teacher. I saw Kaitlyn’s ELA teacher. I went to the gym from there and said hey to R1 but the desk was busy. When I was leaving, she was getting off of work so we walked out together. We chatted for a bit outside. We want to try to get together with the kids over break.

This month gave us more opportunities to meet people and try to form connections. We were thwarted a bit by illness, but will hopefully be able to resume forward progress in January.

On the Hunt: Part 5

We’ve been searching for a church home in our new town. This is our first foray into church shopping. When we moved to Atlanta, our friend directed us to the church his sister and brother-in-law started and we fit right in from the beginning. This has been challenging and frustrating, especially since we have kids and want them to have a say in where we go.

12-01-19

We went to the contemporary service at the first (Methodist) church we visited way back at the beginning of our church hunt. They lit the Advent candle and we sang a couple of traditional Christmas songs. The pastor talked about Jesus as our Wonderful Counselor. We said the Lord’s Prayer and it gave me the urge to teach it to our kids. A woman and her daughter came up during the greeting time to introduce themselves and see if Kaitlyn was the same age (the other girl was 10 and at the intermediate school). I don’t know that we liked it better than where we’ve been going. I think both Adam and I have nostalgia around Christmas from when we were kids. It’s not necessarily better than nondenominational churches, just different.

12-08-19

We went to the Methodist church again for the second Sunday of Advent. They had a children’s sermon which the kids went up for. It was nice to hear from one of the service organizations the church partners with. It was an enjoyable service. We learned they have a Christmas pageant next week. A couple of people introduced themselves to us. Adam commented that we’ve had more people introduce themselves to us here than at the school church. Though this church has a greeting time built into the service, so there’s that.

12-15-19

Kaitlyn and I went to the Methodist church this morning (Adam and Jackson were sick). It was a special musical Sunday. I enjoyed the traditional songs and the telling of the Christmas story.

12-18-19

We went to the children’s Christmas Pageant at the Methodist church this evening. It was a nice experience. We didn’t stay for the refreshments.

12-22-19

We went to the Methodist church for the last Sunday of Advent. Adam and I both agree that it reminds us of our childhoods but our kids’ childhoods don’t have to be the same as ours. We could potentially go to either church, but we’ll probably try to get involved in the school church first. Kaitlyn thought both were fine. Jackson prefers the school church. I think he likes the classroom over big service.

12-24-19

We went to the 4 pm Christmas Eve service at the Methodist church. Adam said when he was at the Y on Monday, a woman came up to him and said she saw him and met his wife at church on Sunday. I knew just who he was talking about.

12-29-19

We’ve decided to go back to the school church and try to get involved. However, they didn’t have service this morning so we went one more week to the Methodist church. I really enjoyed the message about the wise men. I’m glad we went so that we could sing a few more Christmas songs.

So we’ve made a decision. Hopefully, we can get to know people and plug into a small group (though I believe they don’t start back up until February). I’m praying that this will be a good place for our whole family.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?: Part 5

I am chronicling our first year in our new city of Asheville, NC. We live on a street of seventeen houses and have been trying to gain some community through our neighborhood. This is our fifth month living in our new house.

12-06-19

I met S1 and K1 in S1’s driveway mid-morning. S1 drove us to Screen Door where we wandered through the shop booths. I found a few cute things including a gift for my mother-in-law and a birthday card for my brother. We ate lunch at Abeja’s which was quite tasty. We spent a few minutes at The Garage in Fletcher but had to head back so I could be at the bus stop when the kids got home. It was nice to learn a little more about the ladies and people in the neighborhood. We visited all new places for me which I’ll probably return to again.

12-12-19

I saw K2 when I was at the bus stop this afternoon and said hi. She was walking her dog.

12-19-19

This afternoon, the kids and I took cookies to some of our neighbors. We took them to S2, S1 and B2, T1, and J7. T1 wasn’t home so we left them on her porch. J7 invited us in and gave each kid a succulent in a small owl pot. We learned her daughter will be in town for Christmas. It sounds like they have a lot of activities planned. S2 also said her daughter would be in town for a few days. B2 confirmed they’ll have 15 on Christmas Eve for dinner.

12-20-19

K2 brought over some chocolate covered pretzels while I was out but I saw her later when we were in the driveway shooting basketball. She said her daughter will be in at Christmas as well.

12-21-19

S1 stopped by to bring some fudge and cookies. That was nice of her.

We got to say hi to a few people when we delivered cookies. It’s a challenge to spend quality time with neighbors, especially due to the lack of kids on the street. We’ll keep trying.

Friendship Stall (Friends Part 4)

I felt like we started out pretty strong reaching out to people. This last month has had a few natural challenges. My parents visited for two weeks which we enjoyed but kept our schedule too busy for anything else. I also ended up taking an unplanned trip to Atlanta which was great for spending some time with old friends but didn’t help with making new ones. Hopefully, we can get back into it this next month.

10-27-19

I took my parents to the gym on Thursday. They met R1 when we checked in. I saw N1 upstairs when I was stretching at the end of my workout. She told me to enjoy my family time.

Yesterday we went to a neighborhood yard sale. Adam recognized the owners at one house as someone he worked with the first time he lived up here.

10-31-19

Mom, dad, and I went to the gym this morning. We said hi to R1. On the way out, I talked to her for a few minutes to try to catch up a little. She was dressed as a cat. The three of us went to lunch at the kids’ school and talked to their classmates while they ate.

I texted R1 to say it was good to see her. She said that we had to make Mosaic happen next week because the following week she’ll be working every weekday.

We saw V1, J3, and their kids at our house as we were walking toward it to get the car as it was beginning to rain. We stood in our driveway and talked in the rain for a bit. They suggested we visit a neighborhood around the corner because the roads are pretty flat and the houses are close together. We got in the van and drove over there. We found a lot of participating houses, which the kids appreciated.

11-01-19

Mom and I went to the restorative yoga class at the gym. I saw R1 but she was busy so we didn’t talk. S4 (from the creative writing group) was at the class again. We talked about writing. I asked if she was doing NaNoWriMo. She said her writing has been on the backburner as they’ve had other things to deal with at home. I encouraged her to try it for her sanity (writing again at least). She said she might. I guess we’ll see at the next group. She said she might attend one of the write-in days at the library.

11-03-19

The kids had been invited to A6’s birthday so Adam took them while I took my family on the parkway to see the views. The kids seemed to have a great time.

I texted E1 this evening to see if she was available to get the kids together on the 11^th when they’re out of school. She said she was so we will figure out a plan as we get closer.

11-05-19

I met R1 at Mosaic at 10 to catch up and talk. We had a good conversation and the weather was nice enough that we were able to sit outside. It was nice to catch up. I tried to convince her to come to the next creative writing group meeting with me. I know she’s working all week so I won’t blame her if she’s too busy or tired.

I went to the store afterward for a few things. On the way in I saw one of my favorite Y instructors but I didn’t say anything because I thought it might be awkward.

11-06-19

I went to the gym after I had written some for NaNoWriMo. I was pretty hyped. I talked to R1 a bit about the book’s progress. I went up to exercise and ended up on the only open treadmill which happened to be next to N1. I chatted with her a little. She told me that my favorite instructor now only teaches some evening classes which was a bit of a bummer for me. But she said she likes the new instructors so we’ll see. As I was stretching afterward I saw R1’s husband A5 at the weights. I thought about saying hi but chickened out because I couldn’t think of anything to say. I also peeked in on R1 before I left but she was with a trainer so I didn’t interrupt.

11-07-19

We went to school this morning to hear Kaitlyn sing in honor of Veteran’s Day. We ended up sitting next to K4 and E4. K4’s parents were also there.

11-08-19

I went to the gym to do some cardio and talked to R1 for a bit both before and afterward. I realized I was holding up front desk service so I ended our conversation and headed home.

I went to the library for my first NaNoWriMo write in. I was hoping someone else would show up but I was all alone for the 2.5 hours I was there.

11-11-19

The kids and I went to the gym this morning. When I was checking them in, E4 came in to drop A6 off at the kid zone. He said K4 and C4 were taking the Zumba class. I talked to R1 after exercising. I talked a little to B3 when I checked in, commenting on how busy it would be.

We met E1 and the girls for lunch and then they came back to our house to hang out for a while. It was nice to catch up. E1 and I are hoping to try to get together for a movie next month.

I texted K4 about seeing her family at the gym and we had a text conversation. I wonder if her work and family schedule is flexible enough to have the kids play together on a weekday afternoon.

11-13-19

I went to the gym after the kids got on the bus at nine. I saw N1 while on the treadmill. I talked to R1 for a bit afterward. She declined my invitation to the writing group. There were three of us this evening. S4 did not show up. No one else is attempting NaNoWriMo. It was fun doing exercises again. I am a lot more comfortable sharing in that group now. It would be nice if there were more people though. Ah well.

11-15-19

I went to the gym at seven this morning because there was a lot I wanted to do today. I saw R1 on my way in but she was distracted so I figured we’d talk on the way out. I saw N1 as I was getting ready to leave. She asked if I was coming to TRX. I said maybe next week. When I headed out, I didn’t see R1 anywhere. She texted later to say she was sorry she missed me. I texted about getting together next week.

I went to the library for the NaNoWriMo write-in. I have been hoping to see other people but no luck this week either. I did get a lot of writing done though.

11-19-19

I met R1 after exercising. We went to Mosaic and talked for about an hour. She’s moving locally next week. I offered to bring the van over to help haul stuff from one place to the other. She seemed agreeable to that. It was nice to catch up with her.

11-23-19

On Thursday I went to the STRONG class at the Y. There were about eight people there. It was challenging but enjoyable. I will probably go again. I talked to R1 some.

On Friday I went to the Y early to run. I was able to talk to R1 for a while because it was slow. I confirmed that she still wanted help moving on Monday.

I went to the library to work on my book. I didn’t see anyone else while I was there. Maybe I will meet people at the party in December.

Adam talked about hosting a Christmas party for his work team. I’m game so I think he’ll move forward with that.

11-25-19

I went to the gym this morning and talked to R1 before I ran. I really didn’t want to exercise so I was delaying the inevitable. I asked if she still wanted help with moving later in the day and she said she’d text me. She was busy after I ran so I didn’t say bye. She texted me at 11:45 to say she wouldn’t mind extra help so I headed over and met her and A5 at their new place. I helped carry boxes in and then we went to their current place and loaded stuff from the house and garage in both of our vehicles. We took it to the new place. A5 had to get ready for work so I helped R1 unpack some kitchen boxes before I dropped her off at her place and came home. I let her know I could meet tomorrow to hang out if she was free. We’re playing it by ear.

11-26-19

I sent R1 an email with some questions because I thought it would be fun to learn more about one another. After she responded, I filled it out and sent it back.

Not a lot of new activity on this front. Some potential which will probably be realized in December. I’m interested to see if anything develops.

On the Hunt: Part 4

This has been our first real experience searching for a church as a family. It has been more difficult than I anticipated. We really liked a lot of things about our old church and have been both consciously and unconsciously comparing the ones we visit with it. Check out our experiences in months one, two, and three.

11-03-19

We didn’t go to church this morning. My parents were in town and my cousin and his girlfriend drove over last night and so we had brunch at the Grove Park Inn instead. It was nice to get to spend time with extended family and enjoy a delicious meal at a place with a beautiful view.

11-10-19

We went to the school church this morning. We decided we’d go to the next steps class in two weeks and see what we thought. We want to experience a more traditional Christmas/Advent season so we will probably visit some Methodist churches. I think we may try to commit to getting involved somewhere and join a small group in January. I’m definitely feeling adrift in this area.

11-17-19

I was in Atlanta for the weekend so I went to our old church. It was really nice to be back in a familiar environment with people who know me well. I miss having that connection.

Adam and the kids took a bunch of food donations to the school church we’ve been visiting. I don’t think either of us is sold on this particular church. I think when we go to the class my concerns will be confirmed but I won’t know until we go. I know I’ve talked about it for weeks but we are really going to go next week.

11-24-19

We went to the school church today and stayed for the information meeting. I was not very optimistic about the answers to my questions but was pleasantly surprised. I had definitely expected answers that were incongruous with our thoughts and beliefs. I’m actually a little relieved to have been wrong. Adam and I still want to go to more traditional services for Advent but we may be back in January.

Adam agreed that my favorite of the churches we’ve visited is too far away to be feasible. Sad face.

11-26-19

Adam and I talked about churches on the drive over to Statesville to see his parents for Thanksgiving. We were both caught off guard by the answers to our questions on Sunday. I think we’re both in agreement that it seems like the best fit for our family. We’re still planning to visit traditional churches during Advent.

So after three months, we now have a real contender. We’ll most likely spend the month of December at services reminiscent of our own youth – seeing the Advent candles lit each week, listening to messages about Jesus and the Christmas story, and singing traditional Christmas songs. I’m curious to learn what the kids think about everything.