Megan Byrd

Writer

grace

Choose Grace

In The Book of Forgiving, Archbishop Desmond Tutu uses the example of being cut off in traffic to demonstrate our ability to choose our response in any given situation. One choice is to take it personally and become angry, which will not lead to anything positive. It will increase his blood pressure and negatively affect his attitude for an extended period of time. His other choice is grace. He can choose to attribute a forgivable reason for the driving. Perhaps a family member is in intensive care in a hospital. Or perhaps the driver is rushing to help deliver a baby. If the archbishop can identify with those feelings of fear or anxiety the other driver might be experiencing, then he is able to extend grace. When this happens, he often prays for the person and wishes them well. He’s then able to move on without it noticeably affecting his mood or the rest of his day.

Looking through the Lens of Grace

I was amazed at how true his example rang for me. I often jump to the conclusion that invites me to take personal offense to another’s behavior. I am quick to think the worst rather than provide a reasonable and understandable alternative. Since reading this story, I’ve been trying to change my way of thinking, starting with my family.

When my children act out of character, I know that I can choose to believe they are purposefully being difficult or sassy and get angry in response. But I also know that there’s another option. I can pause and think of alternative rationales for their behavior. Reminding myself that they’re normally kind and obedient can help me realize that they’re probably tired or hungry. When I can think of a non-personal reason for their behavior, then I’m more easily able to act in a loving and compassionate manner. Instead of getting angry and escalating the situation unnecessarily, I can bring gentleness and grace, and we can all move through the event with a more positive attitude. It doesn’t mean I don’t address the behavior; it just means I err on the side of grace in attributing meaning to the behavior.

Choose Grace

Showing Grace to Ourselves

I’ve learned that I can also choose grace over judgment toward myself. I’ve dealt with perfectionism for a long time and can be pretty hard on myself when I make a mistake. Experience shows me that being hard on myself doesn’t change what happened nor does it impel me to change my behavior. The times I’ve been compassionate toward myself, I’ve received glimpses of a better way.

I had an appointment one morning and started driving my usual route to the doctor’s office. I noticed that the GPS was instructing me to take a different route. I ignored it, choosing to go the way with which I was most familiar. It turned out to be a big mistake as there was an accident further up the road that I couldn’t yet see. I ended up stuck in traffic and late for my appointment. I could have berated myself for my stubbornness, but instead I allowed myself to be human. I called ahead to let the office know I would be late and was met with grace and understanding. I then spent the extra time in the car praying and listening to worship music. I also resolved to listen to the GPS next time.

Read the rest over at The Glorious Table.

Three Steps to Overcoming Perfectionism

As a follower of Jesus, I continuously desire to grow in love—love for God, for others, and for myself. I thrive on setting goals and methodically working through steps to completion, yet I possess a weakness that emerges whenever I’m working on a project. That weakness is perfectionism.

While perfection is the impetus that pushes me to complete the goals I set, it has no tolerance for failure or mistakes. This means there’s little room for love and grace, for being human. The drive for perfection is in direct opposition to my desire to grow in love, especially toward myself.

I love putting my thoughts down on paper because that’s how I best process my feelings and the lessons I’m learning as I move through life. I share my experiences with others through blogging because I desire to encourage them. I’m aware of how freeing it is to realize I’m not alone in a particular struggle or experience.

While this may sound like a noble ambition, I’m often thwarted by perfectionism, which is constantly offering up reasons not to publish what I write. My writing is not good enough yet. Who am I to have something valuable to say on this subject? Someone may be offended by what I write. Someone may be critical of my words. That last one is the deadliest. Criticism feels like failure to a …

Read the rest of this article at The Glorious Table.

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I am privileged to have been accepted as a contributor to The Glorious Table, a website purposed to encourage women in their life journeys. I will have an article on the site several times a year and will share them here to encourage you to check out what else is over there. I hope you will enjoy what you find over there!

New Year, New Perspective

The new year is underway and I have already begun to see a theme pattern that has begun to take shape. The topics that have been coming up and seem to have a common thread are: second chances, grace, brokenness, compassion, releasing perfection, love, and vulnerability. My word for the year is “brave” so I can see how these are all weaving together in my story.

God has been reiterating to me that he can bring good from anything and everything that happens. I am well aware of one of my favorite verses that says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, NIV).

It has been head knowledge for many years and I have seen it in action in parts of my own past. I think God wants it to root even deeper into my soul so that I believe that he really does mean EVERYTHING, every part of my life including my weaknesses and failures. Especially my weakness and failure.

I can recount stories of being vulnerable, admitting my weaknesses, and the good that came from it. My confession gave others courage to do the same. This often leads to the reminder that I am not the only imperfect person in the world. It provides opportunities for me to both extend and receive grace.

Of course, I also have accounts of the opposite experience where my vulnerability was met with silence or a lack of reciprocated transparency. Instead of grace, I received rejection and shame. God, in his love and grace, met me in these moments and kept me from becoming closed off and never trying again.

I have been growing in the realization that my ability to extend grace and compassion to others is somewhat connected to my ability to extend those things to myself. I am my harshest critic. I have noticed the negative self-talk in my head and know that it’s a battle that must be fought. The apostle Paul reminds us to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5, NIV). One way for me to do that is to replace the negative, and probably inaccurate, thoughts with the truth about who I am which is found in God’s word.

I have intentioned to memorize three verses to help me with my quest to be brave this year. Two are about not fearing and the other involves choosing to please God over people. It would probably benefit me to also learn verses that remind me of the love God has for me and the worth and purpose I have through Christ. Verses about grace are also being added to the list.

These first few weeks of the year have developed an excitement and anticipation for what the year will bring. The recurring topics make it seem like there could be some not-so-pleasant stuff in the future, but having a confidence that God is with me and nothing will happen to me that he cannot bring good from gives me hope that I can weather any storm and will grow closer to God through whatever experiences come my way.

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