Megan Byrd

Writer

friendships

Socially-Distanced Friendships (Part 10)

Now that we’ve been in stay-at-home mode for awhile and have gotten used to the parameters, it has helped us to feel a little more comfortable about connecting with people in safe ways. I definitely miss being able to host people at our house, but am believing that time will come around again. In the meantime, we’ll do what we can.

04-25-20

We cleaned Kaitlyn’s room today and found the missing piece from A6’s walkie talkie that was lost the last time they came over for dinner. I texted a photo to K4.

04-26-20

R1 and I Voxered back and forth today.

04-28-20

My oldest friend called this morning and we caught up for awhile.

05-01-20

I Voxered a bunch with R1 today.

C2, a PTO member from the kids’ school sent me a few memes via Messenger saying that she’s been enjoying my Meme Mondays. I said thanks and asked her how her family was doing during quarantine.

05-04-20

R1 and I texted back and forth about her blog logo and how our days have been.

05-06-20

I took some cookies to R1 along with a gift I’d gotten for her. She asked if she could come down to the door from her second floor balcony so we talked out front from a safe distance. It was nice to see her face. It really was nice to see a friend face-to-face. While I’m an introvert, I do still need time with friends.

I also attended a Zumba class led by N2 on Zoom. It started out glitchy but ended up working well. I saw that K4 was also on the call. I texted her later to ask how it went and to see if C4 was going to pick up her costume for the Cinderella musical the girls are doing. She responded that A6 hung on her leg during the class so not as well as she would have liked. She also said she’d signed up for the same time slot as us for costume pick up. I’m sure the girls will be thrilled to see each other even if it is from a safe distance or while wearing masks.

05-08-20

I texted some with E1 today. She mentioned maybe meeting at a park to ride bikes or walk together with the parks reopening tomorrow. We’ll see if it works out. The weather doesn’t look great in the near future.

I also messaged some with R1 today.

05-11-20

E1 emailed me a response to today’s blog post about church. I appreciated her thoughts and the reminder that people do actually read what I write.

05-12-20

I took Kaitlyn to her Playground Stage costume pick up with some song and scene recording. C4’s time was the same so they were able to see each other for a bit. Since Kaitlyn is the stepmother in Cinderella and C4 was one of the daughters, they waited for the other daughter to arrive and then filmed some scenes and songs together in costume. Kaitlyn seemed very hyped about the whole thing. K4 asked what I thought about a socially-distanced outside hang out of our two families and I said we were up for it. We’ll see if we’re able to coordinate something.

05-16-20

We played Drawful and TeeKO with our GA friends this evening. It was a fun time.

05-17-20

V1 dropped off some beer for Adam.

05-19-20

I met up with R1 for socially distant smoothies this morning. We sat in bag chairs six feet apart under the cover of the YMCA’s front stoop because it was raining. It was nice to see her in person and catch up like old times.

I also received texts and FB messages from friends wishing me a happy birthday.

05-21-20

I’ve texted with R1 and some GA friends.

05-22-20

R1 texted to ask where we were today. I responded that we were headed to the river house where calls and texts are sketchy but the views are fantastic.

*****

This month had more face-to-socially-distanced-face encounters than the previous month but we’re all still in the red for social time. It’s helpful to know that this is everyone’s issue rather than some sort of personal fault but the lack of a timeline is sometimes frustrating. What have you done to maintain contact with family and friends? Have you had any in-person gatherings since restrictions have been eased some?

How Do You Handle Changes in Relationships?

I am a loyal person. When I become good friends with someone, I am essentially forever in their corner. I think the world of them and will defend them. I want to consistently spend time with them and keep up with their life. I pray for them and try to help out when possible.

When a relationship changes or ends, as is bound to happen multiple times throughout a person’s life, it is hard for me. I often try to maintain the previous level of commitment and intimacy for a period of time until I get worn down or realize it’s futile. I feel sad and wonder whether the break down was due to something I did. I often hold on to the belief that things can stay the same for far too long.

Atlanta is a transitional area for many people. People move in, out, and around quite frequently. I have lived here for eleven years and have gained and lost a good number of friends in that time span. Some left the area, making it hard to keep up regularly as there is no longer any overlap in our lives. Other relationships changed when we entered new life stages such as having children or starting new jobs.

I wrestle with these changes, sometimes handling them better than others. To help me through these transitions and become healthier in dealing with everything, I have read several books on friendship and relationships. I process, learn, and heal often through words I read. It’s one way God is able to pierce my heart and speak truth to me in the midst of turmoil and struggle.

I want to share some things that have encouraged and helped me as I have worked to grow in my relationship skills and my ability to not hold so tight to friendships. The book that helped me the most was Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness by Shasta Nelson. I heard about her work and her book listening to a Jen Hatmaker podcast. It was a very informative and encouraging interview. Below are some quotes from the book that spoke me. If they ring true to you and are something you needed to hear, consider reading the book as well.

It’s no one’s fault that as our lives change our friendships must shift as well.

Research suggests that most of us replace half our closest friends every seven years; at that rate, basically anyone experiencing life change will experience some friendship losses and transitions, many times over.

If we are willing to admit feeling hungry for greater connection, then we’re better able to choose the actions that will lead to more meaningful friendships. So, ultimately and ideally, our gaps invite our growth.

When we’re under stress – which disappointment and frustration certainly fall under – our human temptation is to fight or to flee, to go big or to go home. Intimacy requires a third path: lean in.

It’s your job to ask for what you need. And honestly, to have the chance to share about your life doesn’t require them to ask about it – it only requires that they receive it when you decide to share.

Our goal is time together; it doesn’t really matter who initiates to get us there. If we’re the ones who see the need, it might as well be us.

Anytime there is a fight, an unmet need, a slow-boiling frustration, or a repeated judgment in one of our friendships, we have the sacred opportunity to try to repair it, develop it, enhance it, and grow it – before we end it. To walk away from gaps without trying to close them just leaves a bunch of gaping holes in what could have been full, nurtured hearts.

Trust that no connection is a waste of time. Letting go of the need to categorize every person as either all or nothing reminds us that each encounter can be life-changing, each conversation potentially meaningful, each person some kind of teacher, and each relationship a gift – even if the person doesn’t end up in our inner circle.

 

Which of the above quotes did you relate to most? Do you handle relationship changes well?

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